lovehatetragedy

2007-02-22T16:26:00.001+08:00

They Fit.

2007-01-19T16:09:00.000+08:00

Two Poems

So long as swallows come flying back
I have a reason to live
So long as the sea
those swallows cross
has a southern shore
there's a reason for waiting for tomorrow

I have a reason for longing for you

Light across the river

No one asked
No one answered

Ko Un
Flowers of a Moment
Boa Editions, Ltd.

candice

2007-01-13T00:03:00.000+08:00

yesterday i went to jog in the rain at 1738hours.

i stopped the jog at 1817hours along yio chu kang road where it meets boundary road.

i walked the way home, barefoot and wet.

i reached home at 1950hours, drenched and content.

the good thing about running in the rain is that you dont feel the pain. i woke up today with a contusion on my left thigh, it was something i did not feel when i was running. through the run, i hardly felt tired, even though it has been a very long while since i last ran. the cold cools you down while the heart pumps heat throughout. i stopped when my blisters got out of hand, should have worn socks =p .

the walk was fun, i wished for it to keep raining, the rain was beautiful.

and in the end, i proved my theory right.

i didnt get sick. =D

what are you made of?

2007-01-11T16:39:00.000+08:00

its 4:43, and Punchline's Open Up is playing.

I thought iLike is a very innovative and exciting way to keep up with people who have the same music tastes as you.

amidst the music, the time, the rain, and Nart's incesscant monthly "revive!" tags, i'd write here once more.

..because my past is worth remembering.

im a mess of music

2006-07-08T12:04:00.000+08:00

"Failure By Designer Jeans"

I'm a mess of insecurities
Attention starved with a narcissistic twist
Don't you think that I'm amazing?
Please tell me I'm worth dating
I have every reason not to leave home today

Mirror, mirror, how amazing is my figure?
Your visitors they fall apart before my pictures

Please don't believe my words are lacking honesty
I'll be the boy you can't resist
You'll be the tenth girl on my list
I'll write your name upon my chest
These less than three's will never rest
Please don't believe my words are lacking honesty

Mirror, mirror, how amazing is my figure?
Your visitors they fall apart before my pictures

You'll be the last girl on my list
Action's just a click away
These things photographs could never say

Please don't believe my words are lacking honesty

samantha, samantha.

2006-06-11T07:42:00.000+08:00

samantha wett replied to my email.

after more than two years.

i'm ecstatic, reacquaintances with people from your past are definitely events that you look forward to.

but she's changed.

the gene that made us all so homesapien.

2006-05-28T13:18:00.000+08:00

x-men: the last stand was a nice enough show.

in it was a lab named Worthington Labs.

when i saw it i remembered samantha wethington, when i figured out her surname and she thought i was a stalker.

and there was a certain feeling, something that pulled me deeper into my seat and made me realise how much i missed her.

it was her presence that brightened my life. she made me look forward to each day with her lively messages, even though she was halfway around the world, and with no hint of what she looks like.

she went missing without explanation.

and i fear the worst, like i feared numerous months ago.

and all i can do is pray for her safety.

this feeling, leaves one with loneliness, despair, and happiness, because its what it feels to be human.

baby.

2006-04-15T22:24:00.000+08:00

a card frenzy,

2006-04-06T21:22:00.000+08:00

During my 3 month basic course at Home Team Academy, my wallet has gotten fatter.

Yes, i have received,

One (1) 11b (Singapore Police Force NS IC)
One (1) Police EZ-link card
One (1) Police Welfare Scheme Membership Card
One (1) Home Team NS Membership Card
One (1) First Aid Certification Card
One (1) Arm Card
One (1) Warrant Card
One (1) Driving Licence [ my Class 2B baby! and in 2 months.. a free Class 3!]

and

One Award for Best in Ops Fitness

and

a whole bunch of fucking memories.

Goodbye, BTC.

Muhammad Fawwaz bin Senin
Squad 02/06
Best Squad 122nd Intake
Pioneer Pass-out batch of HTA
OC Squad: SS Alvin Toh
Field Instructor: SC Azrul

fire fighting lobby

2006-03-26T08:27:00.000+08:00

Through these innumerable years of fatherhood,
no matter how much we've grown,
we've never faltered.

Please continue to be our pillar of support,
in all the ways you have been,
in your own way.

Happy Birthday, Dad.

just click stop.

2005-12-08T21:37:00.000+08:00

code code! shoutpost.

2005-10-10T23:25:00.000+08:00

GET THE WORD OUT!!

TO ALL INDIE/POSTPUNK/SHOEGAZER/WEIRD MUSIC ENTHUSIASTS,

ever wished for a radio station that played all your favourite music, new releases, and have your requests played?

AND LOCAL MUSIC PRECEDES! its good lah. you might also hear yourself. can submit what u
u want to hear.

OKAY! UNPOPULAR RADIO!

wth//

2005-10-05T21:03:00.000+08:00

meesa life a bit the messed..

i cant access this page from the school servers after they switched to a fully monitored, probably interconnected to all the other schools server.

At first i thought, maybe after the recent spate of blogger incidents where teachers were publicly flamed they disabled access to all blogs.

But i could access rockson leh..

haha.. if any blog were to be dsabled i should think rockson's would go first. Though its logical and it offers arguements in a whole new different perspective, its crude, offensive, and it blows up events/government policies.

But rockson's smart enough. he isnt racist, unlike xiaxue, and he's likable because he's closer to the typical singaporean than all those other bloggers are. And he proaby blogs what he feels, rather than what we want to read.

Police state?

No wonder so many of us already got friggin tired of this country.

2005-10-03T00:06:00.000+08:00

thanks to the narty farty narrtaasshia.

http://lovehatetragedy.blogspot.com/

Friday, June 21, 2002

Oooooooops!

Oba! Comecei diferente....
:oP!! Foda-se....
E-e-e... Como essa gabizinha é desbocada!!

E daí??
" I'm so alone... Empty and lost." (trust -> Adema)
posted by . lovehatetragedy . 7:14 PM

gabizinha...
pq tão trágico?? pq vc foi colocar logo lovehatetragedy??
é tão óbvio!!
lovehatetragedy é o nove do novo álbum do Papa Roach!! (duh! -> como eu não pensei nisso antes??)
mas td bem...
posted by . lovehatetragedy . 6:49 PM

Okay...
p/ variar, estou eu começando um post dessa maneira...
Tah, não aqui porque essa é a primeira vez que escrevo no meu blog novo (houve uma certa redundância, não?)
Vc acha minha vida interessante? Não? Foda-se!!
Hehe!! To brincando... Vc, meu amigo de verdade, que me conhece, sabe que eu falo assim mesmo, mas que eu sou uma pessoa super carinhosa...
É tudo pegadinha... -> 1º de Abril!!!

Agora o Ricardo, ele não sabe q eu sou assim... Então??
O que eu "pódo" fazer??
posted by . lovehatetragedy . 6:45 PM

wtf?!?! one post eons ago and then no more. he should be surprised he's still getting hits lah.

someone can translate? or i use google:

"Oooooooops!

Oba! Comecei different. ... : OP! Foda-se... E-e-e.. As essa gabizinha é gotten out of control!

And daí?? " I' m I am alone.. Empty and lost." (trust -> Adema)
Posted by. lovehatetragedy. 7:14 PM

Gabizinha.. Pq tão tragic?? pq vc foi to place logo lovehatetragedy?? É tão óbvio! Lovehatetragedy é or nove gave novo album gave Pope Roach! (Duh! -> As eu não pensei nisso before??) But td bem..
Posted by. lovehatetragedy. 6:49 PM

Okay.. P/ to vary, estou eu começando um post dessa maneira.. Tah, não aqui because essa é to primeira time that escrevo not meu blog novo (houve uma certa redundância, não?) Vc acha minha life interessante? Não? Foda-itself! Hehe! To jumping.. Vc, meu friend of verdade, that me conhece, knows that eu phallus assim mesmo, but that eu sou uma pessoa super carinhosa.. É tudo pegadinha.. -> 1º of April!!

It predicts or Ricardo, L não knows q eu sou assim.. Então?? Or that eu "pódo" fazer?? "

useless laah..

The Epitome of Teenagehood

2005-09-28T19:40:00.000+08:00

"My Fatal Flaw", by Ephram Brown

The more things change, the more they stay the same. I'm not sure who the first person was who said that. Probably Shakespeare. Or maybe Sting. But at the moment, it's the sentence that best explains my tragic flaw: my inability to change.

I don't think I'm alone in this. The more I get to know other people, the more I realize it's kind of everyone's flaw. Staying exactly the same for as long as possible, standing perfectly still... It feels safer somehow. And if you are suffering, at least the pain is familiar. Because if you took that leap of faith, went outside the box, did something unexpected... Who knows what other pain might be out there, waiting for you. Chances are it could be even worse.

So you maintain the status quo. Choose the road already traveled and it doesn't seem that bad. Not as far as flaws go. You're not a drug addict. You're not killing anyone... Except maybe yourself a little.

When we finally do change, I don't think it happens like an earthquake or an explosion, where all of a sudden we're like this different person. I think it's smaller than that. The kind of thing most people wouldn't even notice unless they looked at us really close. Which, thank God, they never do.

But you notice it. Inside you that change feels like a world of difference. And you hope this is it. This is the person you get to be forever... that you'll never have to change again. "

smiley

2005-09-27T18:41:00.000+08:00

eh i got C for chem.

ITS A WONDER!
but i need to work harder
MY RINGS GET DARKER!
and my arms get weaker

eh im getting good at this

really u gotta say yes

it all rhymes, so clench your fists

and punch yourself if this last part doesnt. :)

hello world.

2005-09-25T12:18:00.000+08:00

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg THE
PAOMNNEHAL PWEOR OF THE HMUAN MNID Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde
Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is
bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod
as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh?

oh hiatus

2005-09-22T18:50:00.000+08:00

ON HIATUS

well ok not really. just a few days. need to go malaysia eh.

Job: Escort my aunt to fetch my uncle. Then we will all slack in their new home.

Price to be paid: GOOD FOOD! woohoo! sim wong hoo WOOHOO!

ok no link la.

bye.

why do you?

2005-09-19T20:42:00.000+08:00

I’m so glad I have the ability to step back, take a look at myself, and say “Why the hell are you crying? You can figure all of these things out, just take one step at a time and be patient.” And usually I listen. It’s just trying to get past “that moment” that’s hard.
RANDOM MUSE

Why do people blog about blogging?

e.g. Ive been blogging heavily nowadays. sigh, i dont have a life.

great deduction, sherlock

a. because they dont have a life
b. because blogging might be their only salvation
c. because they need an outlet
d. because ___________________

Why do we idolise everything popular, or whatever we hear on radio?

e.g. gay bands (~~good~~ charlotte, simple plan, yellowcard), Idols, popular brands

a. so that we could relate to other ppl
b. so that we can look cool
c. be a proud poseur
d. because you're too lazy to go looking for something that could be potentially better than whatever you take for granted

why are singaporeans so dull?

e.g. dead concert crowds, dead this dead that, nyjc has a dead student population

a. because theres nothing to rave about
b. because it messes your hair
c. because its so unglam
d. because people like to spend time blogging

why is this survey so short?

e.g.? No e.g. e.g.? No e.g. eeeeee.geee.? NO EG!!

a. fawwaz damn tired
b. fawwaz damn lazy
c. fawwaz damn sleepy
d. none/all of the above <-- its the same really. if im not tired im exhausted.

why are you reading this?

no e.g.

a. bored
b. freaking bored
c. you love me
d. leave me alone

disgusting.

2005-09-18T14:16:00.000+08:00

Fallout Boy is on friggin 98.7 top 10 list.

Jamie Yeo is an idiot. Their first album DID gain worldwide recognition. For those who seek real music, unlike those who just wait on the radio.

W00t! now fauwaz and shane surf purevolume.

the world is getting better.

http://www.purevolume.com/evedisaster <-- A Song For The Pessimist

please leave suggestions.

get a bum on the street.

2005-09-16T19:36:00.000+08:00

Windows is such a bummer.

When i spoke of being carefree to the peeps in the library, of how my race (Malays) are so carefree (just one of the better words for LAZY) and of how it was why i dont get angry much, or not at all, i didnt realise it was only relevant for that aspect of my life. i get bogged down by infatuation, or at this point, a little love. ( there is a FAT line between liking someone and loving him/her in which, both have seriously nothing to do with infatuation but these are the the only words in the english dictionary that permit such feelings. )

[ at this point i'm talking to this spider jumping around on the table and listening to this song i just recorded and wondering just how i feel about her now. ]

About infatuation, i think i could give a brief summary about the several stages of infatuation, since I've been through aplenty (with obviously no results) and the many i've managed to let go. ( the average pessimist shooter would flame me about the bulletproof vest i wear to escape from the pain and horrors of a relationship. Letting go is just a cheap escape from working to be with the person you love. Again, not love love.. just a level inbetween like and love. )

[ please DO argue ]

stage 1: the physical

The first time you catch her eye.
The second time you catch her smile.
Then you want to see her again.

stage 2: the mental ( yup dude, you're MENTAL )

You doodle around thinking of her.
How she looks, what she's doing now, how her hair just drapes so sexily over her eyes. (drapes is a funny word)
You search for her pictures over the net, you just want to talk to her.

stage 3: the third stage

You think up plans, strategies.
(1) How to approach her. Alone, with flowers? Thru a friend, write a letter? Express it publicly? <-- (asking for trouble)
(2) How would she feel about it? Would approaching her be too bold? Would writing a letter be too gh3y?
(3) The end point. Cancel the useless ones out and find the most effective way of acheiving the end result.

In my case, she just knows i exist. I hit the bottomline, but i aint going any further. (seriously, FACT not pessimism?)

stage 4: denial/all out strong

For the weak hearted, they start going into a state of denial, self apprehension and most of all, depressed and low. They feel that theres no longer a point in pursuing something they cannot acheive. Its like talking to a dial tone; she's never answering.

For the egomaniac/bold/high self-esteem/uber cool/shameless/okay that's enough/NOT ME/seriously not me, they start getting this mega vibes from the other half and go wildly raving (in their brains) about how this two way relationship is going to turn out. Good, they postulate, as there is, at least, giving and receiving, not just the giving. Or receiving. And giving.

[ am i being repetitive? Or just irritating. I'd go with repetitive. Or irritating. SO which would you choose. Repetitive?

Or irritating? ]

stage 5: it ends, it ends.

As sure as the sun sets, most infatuations are temporary feelings, but they etch deep regret and/or depression into your system. Though some last forever, its because not a chance comes by that they really could grab, or they just do not have the courage to fess up.

Its not that easy.

It could be a lifetime scar or the best thing that happened to you.
A moment of humiliation, or the longest seconds of your life.

But it has to end. Whether its blooms into love depends on you.

People hold on to the person they like, because they seek a sense of closure from the other half, no matter whether its good or bad. And it may seem as though the other half doesnt care, but maybe its just because theyre confused. And thats what ive learnt throughout this ordeal.

But ive also learnt not to give up.

[ ive been told to call her, but then again, theres has been no indication as to how she's receive it. ]

But i will.

A Song For The Pessimist

2005-09-14T15:21:00.000+08:00

hmm.. apparently this is the name of the song i'm writing now.

well, like all emotional songs, they usually do have a meaning. and me, being the average next door pessimist, im writing it, hoping that this phase'd get by, and i could bury my pessimism.

i really don't know. is it that easy?

the following is a speech from one of the greatest movies of all time, with a great cast as well:

Clementine: "This it, Joel. Its gonna be gone soon."

Joel: "I know."

At this point they're in Joel's memory which is about to be erased. They could run, but then..

Clementine: "What do we do?"

Joel: "Enjoy it."

its a very sad movie. if i had working tear glands it would have been gushing. now i wont watch it again, i want to share it with someone.

heh heh

2005-09-11T10:02:00.000+08:00

i finally FINALLY got what i wanted, for so long.

gotta thank my bruther.

hee.. :)

yay

2005-09-07T09:38:00.000+08:00

i found her!

i need advice, and tips, on how to love a girl proper, now that at least, she knows i exist.

hmmm..

2005-09-04T15:18:00.000+08:00

Once, this year, i posted this:

Wednesday, March 16, 2005
hey.

Dear journal,

This is probably an appropriate time for me to speak up. i mean, the people around me are mature enough to make sensible judgements and pass reliable comments. What exactly am I doing? I'm going to expose my secrets, divulge my problems and plead for help.

I do not urge you to take sympathy in whatever i say, they are just woes of a typical teenager, just that some of my problems are not exactly very common amongst those in my age group.

1. I'M LONELY

If you have seen me happy, satisfied, cheerful, they are probably just temporary escapes from reality or just a plain facade i put up for all to see and not worry. Truth is, im confused. Truth is, i don't know what i'm doing. Truth is, im confused. I find purpose in what i do, yes, but not in everything else. I do not work for what i wish for. Everyday is not a dead end, but its an endless beginning. No, i do not live my life with regrets. I just dont forsee a future. Alvin, my philosphy for living life for the present was just an excuse for me not getting ready for my future as you were being all concerned about your resume. i know, i've been told, that your future successes depend on what you do now, but i cannot forsee a future; i dont want to be stuck with a 9 to 5 job but i dont want to be poor and living off scraps of pink notes left behind. i have lost interest in studying, not fully. Its just that i work with a heavy heart. i want to enjoy what i'm left with at this moment. But i'm tied down. And i'm sure all you people feel the same as well. i'm not alone, i guess.

2. I'M NOT OKAY, I PROMISE

I dont know why, but some of the people i click with best are either high-profile people and/or they have a closer clique of friends, and it doesnt include me. Sometimes its not evident that I am unhappy or feeling that something is missing when I dont have a close buddy to stick with, or a close group of people that dont necessarily share what i love, but just enjoy my company or with whom i could share my thoughts or feelings with. Maybe i'm asking for too much. But being left alone in the canteen or somewhere else, it doesnt make me holler about how much i love the world. Maybe its just about who i am. My personality. But hey, honestly, im trying to change. but sometimes, some things, i cant see it by myself. Dont make this a battle to be fought alone.

Yes I know, suicide is never the answer. Or is it.

Funny thing is, i always thought i had a solid clique of friends. Maybe i lost it long ago. Maybe I still have it, but sometimes, you just need someone who'd listen to you, be there for you. Or just enjoys what you enjoy doing. I never had a best friend.

3. FEMALE COMPANIONSHIP?

im probably asking for too much. but i'd like to have a girl who i'd know really well. and enjoy her company.

maybe im not sober from Samantha Wethington yet. I miss her a lot. Yeah, you get that from me too, people. i DO miss people. WHERE IS SHE?!?

4. PSYCHOLOGICAL vs PHYSICAL RESTRAINT

I was contemplating publishing a cheeky post on this problem i have, until i realised that its serious, and could have adverse effects on my social life, my future and whatever that lay waiting ahead of me.

I have a serious farting problem.

"17 years, was what it took for me to nuture the most deadliest fart - silent like the breeze over the horizon, yet as pungent as a sewer that has been uncleaned for years."
- Fawwaz, 17. I was disillusional. Now i know...

now, when i'm down, at least i have people i can turn to.

"Kind words are like the seats in a car. Without them, you'll still reach your destination. But with them, the journey is a whole lot enjoyable."

Same goes for the people who love you.

yo ntx

2005-09-01T09:33:00.000+08:00

things gettin in between me and my ipod:

1) $200

2) 2 months, 5 days

and my mom. sigh.

its a necessity, i wouldn't deliberately leave 3000 songs on my mac unheard.

dunkin' donudes.

2005-08-14T08:32:00.000+08:00

My parents are considering buying property in Malaysia.

My uncle already bought an apartment.

My grandfather, back during the 70s bought land in Malaysia and now we own it.

My mom's cousin has property beside a malaysian golf course.

WHY?

coz decent condominium property there is a third of the cost of a HDB flat / coz we like quick getaways to second homes / coz malaysian street food is so much fucking better than our depleting food diversity culture, now that we're all turning into food-courters and fast food bastards / its like a cheap holiday, to somewhere close but not really similar

the condominiums there arent like ours, the usual + swimming pool + fucking fat security guard (or old) + tennis court + shabby little apartments. its a whole estate within a city. a whole guarded estate, with its many houses and then there are the many many shops and services nearby within the estate, and the park.

everything there is so much cheaper its like searching for ____________. (damn it i forgot the word)

i dont know why we do it but we all want to get away from singapore. even in the most patriotic, there is a yearning for something more, something different, for a while.

even if it means leaving everything behind.

August 9th gift

2005-08-12T21:13:00.000+08:00

Plagarised from http://collsmith.blogspot.com/

"PRIME MINISTER Eg0man'S NATIONAL DAY MESSAGE 2005

On 9 August 1965, Singapore became an independent and sovereign nation. Suddenly, we were on our own, with no natural resources to exploit, no hinterland to fall back upon, and no army to defend ourselves. But we were determined to survive, and started building a nation from scratch. We worked hard to improve our lives, and create a future for our children.

Today, we have every reason to rejoice. In 40 years, we have succeeded beyond all expectations.

a. Our economy has developed and prospered. After each downturn we have bounced back, to create more jobs (for foreigners) and a better life for all (except Singaporeans).

b. Our society is full of fines and price hikes. We have built educational institutes for different communities (mungen-jc, mat-ite, pottu-jail) and divided all Singaporeans into different classes.

c. We are attracting Bangla workers and mail-order wives from Vietnam & China, to live with bald and ugly old men.

d.The SAF and our Home Team are strong and tested. Because of the screwed up soldier enlistment scheme, we can forget about early retirement or making our first million.

e. We are deepening our sense of heckcare-ness and rotting as a nation.

Despite many years of LKY we must remain vigilant against threats to our Bangla workers and SE-Asian maids. The bombings in London and in Egypt remind us that the war on terror continues, and but with tightest precautions, the terrorists confirm get pek chek.

We must be psychologically prepared for this, so that if they ever strike here we will be running to Malaysia and Australia, refusing to be cowed by the terrorists and staying one united people.
This year, our economy continues to grow steadily. Growth in the first half was 4.0%. For the whole year, we can expect growth to be between 3.5% and 4.5%. We gave 45,500 foreigners
jobs in the first half, many more than in the same period last year. This has made it a must for local workers to emigrate elsewhere. Our efforts to re-design and re-create jobs for older, less-skilled workers have also failed.

Looking ahead, we face a totally fucked up world. China and India are emerging as strong, competitive economies. Globalisation is intensifying competition and speeding up the pace of change. Faced with these common challenges, the countries of ASEAN are working more closely together. We will form an ASEAN Community by 2020. In fact, today, August 8, is ASEAN Day. Together with our ASEAN partners, we will raise awareness of ASEAN among our citizens. Greater ASEAN integration will help us to tackle these challenges and seize the opportunities before us but we're still unable to solve poverty in Indonesia and Arroyo of Phillipines is in some kind of deep shit right now.

OK i'm kinda sick of phucking up the national day message for now. That's all. Go read the complete one at channelnews asia website on ur own."

9 reasons we don't feel anything on August 9th

1. We are spastic
2. Padang too small compared to now-rendered-useless Kallang Stadium whose former sole purpose were for mats to legally shout incomprehensible words sounding like Singa (lion in Malay) and pore (a minute opening) juxtaposed together. ("patriots" had to make so much noise under my block with huge plasma TV screen and ceremonial banging of red white flags)
3. August 8th was a bummer
4. Prelims coming (applies only to lame-ass JC students)
5. Too eager to watch Sly trying to flunk at something else other than singing, including ______________.
6. Too eager to confirm the rumour that Full Circle's drawing of a circle is really not complete.
7. Too busy trying to catch $8.50 tickets.
9. They cannot count. Probably celebrated too much on August 8th, woke up with a hangover, sun's up, went back to sleep, heard fireworks, dismissed it as imagination, then committed suicide from hearing rui en too much and looking at her crooked smile.

Hope I'm not on duty on August 9th 2006.

WIBDER

2005-08-06T11:30:00.000+08:00

wibder= wonder when written without looking at the keyboard.

DIDNT like the big picture?

why.. you could have spread the word of this phenomenal, once in a lifetime occurence (though i wouldnt bet on that)..

imagine.. "hey did you see fawwaz's blog? theres this HUGE picture of this cocks.."

something tells me i wont be too popular with the authorities after that circulates.

this digit EIGHT.

2005-07-29T23:13:00.000+08:00

So this is life in Singapore then

We do not live for the present.

Nor do we live for the contentment of living.

but for the lives of others.

sothesay

2005-06-15T21:03:00.000+08:00

studying is probably my only salvation now.

and i might need to change the way i think.

when i see that people are happy, i get sad. i just dont know. i begin to question what i'm missing from my life. (i should stop reading blogs. OR marvin shoud have a blog.)

my music: i look at people who are happily putting in effort for the upcoming school of rock competition. i am a songwriter without a reason.

my life: i just hope i die happy, fulfilled.

ITS GREAT BEING FILLED WITH NEGATIVITY!

someday it will be habit. :)

this is boring

2005-06-12T02:06:00.000+08:00

i'd rather talk to myself.

whats the point in it anyway?

do people really say what they feel?

or have blogs become a medium for people who have nothing better to do, for them to "portray" their whole lives on something better than a piece of canvas that nobody reads?

what happened to old fashioned "dont-touch-my-diary-its-private" screams?

dont ask me. i'm a victim.

Doodleboard.

2005-06-06T11:07:00.000+08:00

NOBODY READS MY BLOG ANYMORE!

Now now son.. don't get carried away. Relax.. just remember..

Thou shalt not swear

I SWEAR UPON MY MOTHER'S GRAVE..

No, no not like that!

# % & @ !!

Wonder if the Singapore government condones creativity in vulgar language because that was certainly NOT ORIGINAL.

Track 3

2005-06-04T22:33:00.000+08:00

URBAN, ST .. umm two days ago.

This AJC teenager, in reply to why he has never dated, mentioned that though "girls have found him attractive" he has never got into dating because he would like to concentrate on his studies, and only when he "is the CEO of some company" will he think about dating.

While, on the other hand, we have students here getting their heads all tangled up with these four letters. No, not S-E-X.

its L-O-V-E.

Or so we think we know that much.

Then you hear about teenage pregnancies and morality issues. So then, do we seriously think we are ready for all that hype? Or are we just curious. Experiencing sex, or love, we could never be ready enough, we say. But we are talking about mental maturity, the ability to discern what is not right, but what would bring the least repercussions. We cannot speak of what is right and wrong, what is good or bad, because actions have consequences, and i'm not here talking to primary school kids (who have, in fact, probably gotten into all these indecent acts as well).

But then all we want, all I want, is a listening ear. Some of us never had best friends. All we want, all i want, is someone i could talk to, someone that could listen, someone that gives me some attention, when I need it most, or when i don't need it at all, someone i could spend time with having fun. Some of us never had best friends.

But i told myself, that my time will come. I believe that whatever Allah plans for me, they are good plans and i look forward to the future. Sometimes i look around and i see that I'm not exactly the luckiest person around, without cash, looks, or personality. But - how cliche it may sound - i'm luckier than millions out there in poverty, sickness, or disability.

And i can see a brighter future.

DO NOT BOARD!

2005-06-03T22:49:00.000+08:00

100 passengers, - possibly all humans - 52.8% of them oblivious to the flashing sign on the screen that said "DO NOT BOARD".

THOU SHALT NOT ASK RHETORICAL QUESTIONS

what has happened to us Singaporeans?
Are we so cooped up in our mundane lives such that we forget to be the subservient dogs we always were?

Even the woman on the loudspeaker, warning all passengers, "for their own safety" to stay clear of the yellow lines, is not able to penetrate our obstinate minds. They actually got closer to the passing train.

Maybe she should be American. Or the mother that screamed at passengers aboard 136 this morning.

hur-hur.

knock yourself out.

2005-05-23T01:01:00.000+08:00

after several gruelling attempts at transforming this rhythm i had in my head, i finally did it.
and its in the form of this song - POROUS.

http://www.purevolume.com/scaff

its a bit long, with mild screaming, but please do hear it to the end.. im confident there will be a part you may like.

8. Porous

Gettin my wings clipped for the very first time
i am sure that my mistakes will be over and done
this fragile thing now
we will be alright and sane for one last time

my numbers running out
my days are short my arms are pumping blood
return to me receive this bloodied hand
in the shape of my own heart

save me!
can i be there for you?

dear my heartbreak,
could you silence all these years
you're dead and gone
so i'll silence all these years

our chests open on this stage
our lives for the taking
our chests open on this stage
our hearts for the breaking

rushing the hour till now
i am sure that my mistakes will be over and done
this moment this time
"we will be alright", we'll say for one last time.

my knuckles turning white
my head is burning my eyes are turning red
return to me receive this bloodied hand
in the shape of my own heart

dear my heartbreak,
could you silence all these years
you're dead and gone
so i'll silence all these years

i'm getting to recording all the songs i've composed digitally. soon, i will announce it, while i wait to perform Porous with a band.

Thank you for listening.

The Refused Party Program.

2005-05-02T20:15:00.000+08:00

A kid could tell this blog was dead.

So here's the plan: Everytime i blog, i will recommend a band that would either wrench your heart from the clutches of the evil radio, or would just make you desire simpler plans and better charlottes.

Melodious music, those that actually mean something to the artists, not those that are just for monetary gain.
Emo, emotional music with their descending riffs and technical leads.
Soft, hard, it doesnt matter.
Whatever sets me smiling.
Originality! Even in lyrics.

What i wrote above basically encapsulates what i look for in music. And what i really love to hear.

I'll start the ball rolling with bands that are closer to the sounds on the radio, so you don't feel awkward listening to men screaming, if i decide to jump into screamo (screaming emo).

TODAY!

For those still with strings attached (pun intended) to radio and still listening to bloddy backdated music from "punk" bands on radio, may i introduce STELLAR KART.

http://www.purevolume.com/stellarkart

Honestly, when i first heard their sounds, i got hooked. They were a promising band! It actually aroused the same part of my brain that got hooked to Simple Plan (i don't deny the past).

Why it didn't work for me:
They're original, but their lyrics are pretty illogical, typical radio go getters.
I only like one song.
Their video is disgusting.

Why it would work for you:
Cause they sound good.
Dude, they're handsome.
The vocalist sounds pretty much Simple Plan.
YOU ARE GAY!

For those who have moved on to The Ataris, The Starting Line, and starting to get onto the underground music bandwagon, THE MILE AFTER would work for you. Actually, their self proclaimed "mom rock" genre would work for anyone at all, gay or not.

http://www.purevolume.com/themileafter

Hookalifiablistically SOLID!

Wholesomely original sounds, and with heart stopping rhythms that get you up and running with its sudden stops and breakdowns and the melodic sounds of the dual vocalists. Would this make to radio? Not before storming the whole of America first, if the radio would be its final destination.

When i first found The Mile After, they didn't even have their own website, and they just launched their EP. Now, they are going to perform at this year's most popular event for unknown bands apart from the Warped Tour, Bamboozle. Its an event where bands are actually VOTED to play, its a vote-to-see-live event. It speaks a lot for The Mile After, just getting off their feet and only launching one EP, to be playing alongside other veteran bands like Thrice.

Why it would work for you:
Why wouldn't it? If it don't it would mean you are total GAYNESS.

I LOVE WESTER!

hello again

2005-04-25T11:06:00.000+08:00

i dont like to lash out at people on blogs. nor do i like anyone who does that, coz, well, you may just not know the situation at all and.. u get my point.

i prefer the conventional way of getting sceramed at in school.

so whos the coward now?

im just trying very hard to be a good Muslim. I try to forgive.

but i was not taught to forget.

"..am i dead in your world?"

2005-04-06T21:26:00.000+08:00

Am I?

I seem to have lost many those whom i used to speak much to. Some remain, but i wonder if its me or them.

But when i say i already know the answer, do i really know or do i really know what they're gonna say?

..such things are so delicate.

"..and its something we realise we cannot survive without."

2005-04-03T21:30:00.000+08:00

Some perceive music as a form of escape. To the listener or to the writer?

Most regard it as entertainment, something that excites them when they are feeling moody or so.

But there is a group of people who believe that the world would be bleak without music. That music is what keeps them alive each passing day. Whether he is just a mere listener or a fully fledged songwriter, what sets them apart is the undying passion for music. This form of expression that has survived many generations, branches itself into the hundreds of genres we have today.

I listen to all sorts of emotional punk (emo), and i've heard many types of fusion music that was tried with emo, some of which included trumpets, violins, and even emceeing. What's special about emo actually lies predominantly in its lyrics.

Some screamo (emo which includes screaming) sounds sound displeasing to the public ear, and are dubbed noisy, like how the public perceives metal. However, if one disregards the screams and actually bothers to look up the lyrics, they actually speak of the usual broken hearts, love, sacrifice and the like that you find in even the most gayest bands. These musicians just found a different form of musical expression.

i dislike/don't listen to pop/radio. I feel that the radio has an insidious effect on all your psyches, making you subconsciously yearn for the spurious fulfillment that knowing a song would. I've met many musicians who'd rather play music that they hear on the radio than the genre they actually listen to. And thats how musicians increasingly disregard individual expression.

That's why I label bands on the radio "gay bands". Need help? Simple Plan, Electrico, Good Charlotte. As you can see, it isn't because they sing about how they are in love with this girl, or singing off key, -because many emo bands have that - but its because some of them just play music for cash or popularity, not the passion. I still listen to Sum 41 as after they got popular, they went back to what they love - metal, harder music. Kinda used pop as a platform to launch their passion. Not many people would like what they produce, but they're having fun.

Electrico's main goal for music making was the money. That is not what i find the drive in music for.

I am, in fact, driven to produce music that people appreciate. It doesn't have to be the whole shebang; i am satisfied even if only one person likes my music. Or else i dont find a reason for writing.

Some of my songs have proper meanings. Actually, most of those completed ones that i have posted on Purevolume now or before have proper meanings and are brimmed with emotion. Most about relationships and heartbreaks, others about the demise of the human race, how we get all caught up with ourselves.

Currently, my music life is definitely not at a standstill. Actually, im headed to a brighter future.

..with Auburn's Epiphany.

try my music, and theirs.
http://www.purevolume.com/scaff
http://www.purevolume.com/auburnsepiphany

hmm.

2005-03-25T22:24:00.000+08:00

i guess. im not the only one with my problem.

http://gorillamask.net/fartingpreacher.shtml

Oh, thank you Lord.

hahaha.

New song!

2005-03-19T07:08:00.000+08:00

http://www.purevolume.com/scaff

Uncanny Resemblances, Unfaithful Predictions

Its cold, november 4th and i'm freezing
as i brave this cold for you
as raindrops fall on my head i'm waiting for you to call

i give up my life to you, i give up my heart to you now
as i love you so
i give up my whole life, i give up my soul

Its cold, november 4th and i'm freezing
as i brave this cold for you
as raindrops fall on my head i'm waiting for you to call

so were you planning to call at all
or leave me alone in this winter
see how my life turned around just for you

i give up my life to you, i give up my soul to you now
so why wont you give me a chance
i give up my heart, i give up my soul

look at me now, am i not worthy of your love?
look at me now, look at me now.

hey.

2005-03-16T20:55:00.000+08:00

Dear journal,

This is probably an appropriate time for me to speak up. i mean, the people around me are mature enough to make sensible judgements and pass reliable comments. What exactly am I doing? I'm going to expose my secrets, divulge my problems and plead for help.

I do not urge you to take sympathy in whatever i say, they are just woes of a typical teenager, just that some of my problems are not exactly very common amongst those in my age group.

1. I'M LONELY

If you have seen me happy, satisfied, cheerful, they are probably just temporary escapes from reality or just a plain facade i put up for all to see and not worry. Truth is, im confused. Truth is, i don't know what i'm doing. Truth is, im confused. I find purpose in what i do, yes, but not in everything else. I do not work for what i wish for. Everyday is not a dead end, but its an endless beginning. No, i do not live my life with regrets. I just dont forsee a future. Alvin, my philosphy for living life for the present was just an excuse for me not getting ready for my future as you were being all concerned about your resume. i know, i've been told, that your future successes depend on what you do now, but i cannot forsee a future; i dont want to be stuck with a 9 to 5 job but i dont want to be poor and living off scraps of pink notes left behind. i have lost interest in studying, not fully. Its just that i work with a heavy heart. i want to enjoy what i'm left with at this moment. But i'm tied down. And i'm sure all you people feel the same as well. i'm not alone, i guess.

2. I'M NOT OKAY, I PROMISE

I dont know why, but some of the people i click with best are either high-profile people and/or they have a closer clique of friends, and it doesnt include me. Sometimes its not evident that I am unhappy or feeling that something is missing when I dont have a close buddy to stick with, or a close group of people that dont necessarily share what i love, but just enjoy my company or with whom i could share my thoughts or feelings with. Maybe i'm asking for too much. But being left alone in the canteen or somewhere else, it doesnt make me holler about how much i love the world. Maybe its just about who i am. My personality. But hey, honestly, im trying to change. but sometimes, some things, i cant see it by myself. Dont make this a battle to be fought alone.

Yes I know, suicide is never the answer. Or is it.

Funny thing is, i always thought i had a solid clique of friends. Maybe i lost it long ago. Maybe I still have it, but sometimes, you just need someone who'd listen to you, be there for you. Or just enjoys what you enjoy doing. I never had a best friend.

3. FEMALE COMPANIONSHIP?

im probably asking for too much. but i'd like to have a girl who i'd know really well. and enjoy her company.

maybe im not sober from Samantha Wethington yet. I miss her a lot. Yeah, you get that from me too, people. i DO miss people. WHERE IS SHE?!?

4. PSYCHOLOGICAL vs PHYSICAL RESTRAINT

I was contemplating publishing a cheeky post on this problem i have, until i realised that its serious, and could have adverse effects on my social life, my future and whatever that lay waiting ahead of me.

I have a serious farting problem.

"17 years, was what it took for me to nuture the most deadliest fart - silent like the breeze over the horizon, yet as pungent as a sewer that has been uncleaned for years."
- Fawwaz, 17. I was disillusional. Now i know.

It all began from the second ACS (Barker) match, in which my thigh was injured beyond normal mobility, having trouble even getting into bed. I saw the sinseh (Chinese medicine man), and he treated me all right, puncturing close to a hundred holes in my thigh. Still I wasnt okay, but i was sure it would heal. However, within the course of healing, my stomach started to feel very queasy every single waking minute. I wasnt sure if i could blame the pills he gave to me, but the pain were almost unbearable, as they didnt go away. I started to fart, and they were all the same: silent and pungent. And i thought it was the queasy stomach. Up till today, the stomach is fine, but when i am on a farting spree, i cannot stop. To hold the fart back is a real torture. It may look to you as a joke, but you're not the one suffering. Sometimes I cannot stand the smell of my own fart, with me being so used to it. How can anyone stand it then, when a single fart marks the beginning of a nose gland torture. To think i had fantasies of farting in people's faces. To think it was used as a novelty prank amongst people. I am seriously not having fun.

Yeah, i'm hanging my dirty linen in public, and you are free to air your views, i really dont care what you say. i just hope that its constructive and you are able to help my problem. I am in a great dilemma.

hurray.

2005-03-12T20:14:00.000+08:00

Law: No person of Chinese descent may immigrate to the USA. (Repealed)

Country: United States

Citation: Forty-Seventh Congress. Session I. 1882

Chapter 126.-An act to execute certain treaty stipulations relating to Chinese.

Preamble. Whereas, in the opinion of the Government of the United States the coming of Chinese laborers to this country endangers the good order of certain localities within the territory thereof:

Therefore,

Be it enacted by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America in Congress assembled, That from and after the expiration of ninety days next after the passage of this act, and until the expiration of ten years next after the passage of this act, the coming of Chinese laborers to the United States be, and the same is hereby, suspended; and during such suspension it shall not be lawful for any Chinese laborer to come, or, having so come after the expiration of said ninety days, to remain within the United States.

SEC. 2. That the master of any vessel who shall knowingly bring within the United States on such vessel, and land or permit to be landed, and Chinese laborer, from any foreign port of place, shall be deemed guilty of a misdemeanor, and on conviction thereof shall be punished by a fine of not more than five hundred dollars for each and every such Chinese laborer so brought, and may be also imprisoned for a term not exceeding one year.

SEC. 3. That the two foregoing sections shall not apply to Chinese laborers who were in the United States on the seventeenth day of November, eighteen hundred and eighty, or who shall have come into the same before the expiration of ninety days next after the passage of this act, and who shall produce to such master before going on board such vessel, and shall produce to the collector of the port in the United States at which such vessel shall arrive, the evidence hereinafter in this act required of his being one of the laborers in this section mentioned; nor shall the two foregoing sections apply to the case of any master whose vessel, being bound to a port not within the United States by reason of being in distress or in stress of weather, or touching at any port of the United States on its voyage to any foreign port of place: Provided, That all Chinese laborers brought on such vessel shall depart with the vessel on leaving port.

SEC. 4. That for the purpose of properly indentifying Chinese laborers who were in the United States on the seventeenth day of November, eighteen hundred and eighty, or who shall have come into the same before the expiration of ninety days next after the passage of this act, and in order to furnish them with the proper evidence of their right to go from and come to the United States of their free will and accord, as provided by the treaty between the United States and China dated November seventeenth, eighteen hundred and eighty, the collector of customs of the district from which any such Chinese laborer shall depart from the United States shall, in person or by deputy, go on board each vessel having on board any such Chinese laborer and cleared or about to sail from his district for a foreign port, and on such vessel make a list of all such Chinese laborers, which shall be entered in registry-books to be kept for that purpose, in which shall be stated the name, age, occupation, last place of residence, physical marks or peculiarities, and all facts necessary for the indentification of each of such Chinese laborers, which books shall be safely kept in the custom-house; and every such Chinese laborer so departing from the United States shall be entitled to, and shall receive, free of any charge or cost upon application therefor, from the collector or his deputy, at the time such list is taken, a certificate, signed by the collector or his deputy and attested by his seal of office, in such form as the Secretary of the Treasury shall prescribe, which certificate shall contain a statement of the name, age, occupation, last place of residence, personal description, and fact of identification of the Chinese laborer to whom the certificate is issued, corresponding with the said list and registry in all particulars. In case any Chinese laborer after having received such certificate shall leave such vessel before her departure he shall deliver his certificate to the master of the vessel, and if such Chinese laborer shall fail to return to such vessel before her departure from port the certificate shall be delivered by the master to the collector of customs for cancellation. The certificate herein provided for shall entitle the Chinese laborer to whom the same is issued to return to and re-enter the United States upon producing and delivering the same to the collector of customs of the district at which such Chinese laborer shall seek to re-enter; and upon delivery of such certificate by such Chinese laborer to the collector of customs at the time of re-entry in the United States, said collector shall cause the same to be filed in the custom house and duly canceled.

SEC. 5. That any Chinese laborer mentioned in section four of this act being in the United States, and desiring to depart from the United States by land, shall have the right to demand and receive, free of charge or cost, a certificate of indentification similar to that provided for in section four of this act to be issued to such Chinese laborers as may desire to leave the United States by water; and it is hereby made the duty of the collector of customs of the district next adjoining the foreign country to which said Chinese laborer desires to go to issue such certificate, free of charge or cost, upon application by such Chinese laborer, and to enter the same upon registry-books to be kept by him for the purpose, as provided for in section four of this act.

SEC. 6. That in order to the faithful execution of articles one and two of the treaty in this act before mentioned, every Chinese person other than a laborer who may be entitled by said treaty and this act to come within the United States, and who shall be about to come to the United States, shall be identified as so entitled by the Chinese Government in each case, such identity to be evidenced by a certificate issued under the authority of said government, which certificate shall be in the English language or (if not in the English language) accompanied by a translation into English, stating such right to come, and which certificate shall state the name, title, or official rank, if any, the age, height, and all physical peculiarities, former and present occupation or profession, and place of residence in China of the person to whom the certificate is issued and that such person is entitled conformably to the treaty in this act mentioned to come within the United States. Such certificate shall be prima-facie evidence of the fact set forth therein, and shall be produced to the collector of customs, or his deputy, of the port in the district in the United States at which the person named therein shall arrive.

SEC. 7. That any person who shall knowingly and falsely alter or substitute any name for the name written in such certificate or forge any such certificate, or knowingly utter any forged or fraudulent certificate, or falsely personate any person named in any such certificate, shall be deemed guilty of a misdemeanor; and upon conviction thereof shall be fined in a sum not exceeding one thousand dollars, an imprisoned in a penitentiary for a term of not more than five years.

SEC. 8. That the master of any vessel arriving in the United States from any foreign port or place shall, at the same time he delivers a manifest of the cargo, and if there be no cargo, then at the time of making a report of the entry of vessel pursuant to the law, in addition to the other matter required to be reported, and before landing, or permitting to land, any Chinese passengers, deliver and report to the collector of customs of the district in which such vessels shall have arrived a separate list of all Chinese passengers taken on board his vessel at any foreign port or place, and all such passengers on board the vessel at that time. Such list shall show the names of such passengers (and if accredited officers of the Chinese Government traveling on the business of that government, or their servants, with a note of such facts), and the name and other particulars, as shown by their respective certificates; and such list shall be sworn to by the master in the manner required by law in relation to the manifest of the cargo. Any willful refusal or neglect of any such master to comply with the provisions of this section shall incur the same penalties and forfeiture as are provided for a refusal or neglect to report and deliver a manifest of cargo.

SEC. 9. That before any Chinese passengers are landed from any such vessel, the collector, or his deputy, shall proceed to examine such passengers, comparing the certificates with the list and with the passengers; and no passenger shall be allowed to land in the United States from such vessel in violation of law.

SEC. 10. That every vessel whose master shall knowingly violate any of the provisions of this act shall be deemed forfeited to the United States, and shall be liable to seizure and condemnation on any district of the United States into which such vessel may enter or in which she may be found.

SEC. 11. That any person who shall knowingly bring into or cause to be brought into the United States by land, or who shall knowingly aid or abet the same, or aid or abet the landing in the United States from any vessel of any Chinese person not lawfully entitled to enter the United States, shall be deemed guilty of a misdemeanor, and shall, on conviction thereof, be fined in a sum not exceeding one thousand dollars, and imprisoned for a term not exceeding one year.

SEC. 12. That no Chinese person shall be permitted to enter the United States by land without producing to the proper officer of customs the certificate in this act required of Chinese persons seeking to land from a vessel. And any Chinese person found unlawfully within the United States shall be caused to be removed therefrom to the country from whence he came, by direction of the United States, after being brought before some justice, judge, or commissioner of a court of the United States and found to be one not lawfully entitled to be or remain in the United States.

SEC. 13. That this act shall not apply to diplomatic and other officers of the Chinese Government traveling upon the business of that government, whose credentials shall be taken as equivalent to the certificate in this act mentioned, and shall exempt them and their body and household servants from the provisions of this act as to other Chinese persons.

SEC. 14. That hereafter no State court or court of the United States shall admit Chinese to citizenship; and all laws in conflict with this act are hereby repealed.

SEC. 15. That the words "Chinese laborers", whenever used in this act, shall be construed to mean both skilled and unskilled laborers and Chinese employed in mining.

Approved, May 6, 1882.

dear human.

2005-03-11T18:17:00.000+08:00

watch the lights and see the sunrise.
morning comes and life begins.
the heart is torn, all set for winter where emotions turn cold and all is lost.

with me, all is lost
hope is gone but passion lingers
i am a believer of uncertainty
the tranquil you seek will never come.

i see your faces and you say, " please dont look inside of me."
i know, ive wronged, but please dont judge me.

with you, all is won,
hope remains, the passion to live
im still believing in uncertainty,
the tranquil you seek will never come.

i see it in their eyes their faces their tears that well up inside them.
i feel it their heart beats, its rhythms that fail to remind me of the..

SUFFERING!
it will not pass till we open our eyes.
it will not pass till we open our eyes.

whoopy-doodles!

2005-03-03T22:20:00.000+08:00

ASS HAIR

I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to all though tasteless, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble pooping. No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique.
It seems my ss-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling.

Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with somepaper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold. I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey, this is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occasionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn babe. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know. I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I
thought, it would dry. Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic poop -molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky poop/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there
and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm. Unfortunately, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally
reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks.

As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering poop/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own poop blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks." Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks.

Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil. As if that wasn't
enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad.

Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

MORAL OF THE STORY - you might fail your SPA if u have spillages!

Blogger:Dashboard

2005-03-03T21:22:00.000+08:00

i cannot smell.

i dont get that line.

2005-02-28T00:21:00.000+08:00

"be confident. your opponents are good. so instill fucking fear into their hearts
till every step they take will be their last.
they will not gain our line. we will stop them where their heels still touch the ground.

and will burn their lines."

let me believe what i want, or i will never believe again. and belief is important.
i will learn my lesson, in due time.

but for now, i know that my mind and body will be set to take this match from my soul beneath and give it all i have.

boon's reply to this serious message..

"i can the battle inside of me..."

2005-02-25T20:38:00.000+08:00

i wanna rock you like a donkey's foot
i wanna squeeze you like apple to juice
i wanna rape you like a dog set loose
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FUCK YOU! happy valentine's day.

Is my name here?

2005-02-23T05:58:00.000+08:00

In the Science faculty, being awake is the first step to success.

In the Arts faculty, being able to do math means... it just means you're good at math. *

*applies only to nyjc arts students.

spandex and beapcex.. they make you feel all good.

2005-02-14T18:55:00.000+08:00

its all true when people say that they dont celebrate valentine's day. because really, its a load of christian bull. saint valentine and his holy deeds, all that load of dumb and tada, here you go. 14th february and you have everyone making love on the imaginary ruritanian beach. sin, sin, sin.

not that im against the religion, (i really dont show it do i?) but im just saying that when muslims say they do not celebrate valentine's day, please do forgive them if they do not have anything for you. well sometimes, like me, they are stingy, but its really in their heads. valentine's day is a work of the devil. he's a consumerist, really. one big day where couples do their thing and romance themselves to death, its really just an excuse. i mean, why just the 14th? i mean expressing love shouldnt be restricted to one special day. WHERE IS THE "OUT OF THE BOX" THINKING HERE? you lot of conformists.

but i'll just like to say that, maybe the reason why lonely guys like me get gifts from their beautiful friends is that this is their motivation, its carpe diem going on here. sieze the day, SIEZE THE DAY! all the hype of living life to the fullest, how could you possibly afford it in such an environment? this is it, i guess. celebrating, savouring every bit of life during days that could mean nothing to people, they bring life into it. using every occasion known in the calendar and wising everyone a happy ________ day. it makes people happy, it makes them happy too.

and in life, you could let this be what you're searching for. carpe diem, that motivation to live.

and maybe one day you will find out, that life is just as beautiful as the world God created before you.

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL.

2005-02-12T22:20:00.000+08:00

yes, ladies, life IS beautiful. and it makes you lot look ugly.

when life lets you off the hook from sickness, your mom bites you in the back.

when you thought life was just getting normal, your parents stab you in your chest.

when your life just turned around, and you become a changed person somehow, the whole fucking world just doesnt want to accept it.

what do you do now when you've got no one to turn to.

what do you do?

what makes a good blog?

2005-01-30T16:22:00.000+08:00

I realised what Singaporean sitcoms lack.

No, its not the dumb people in shows like Grounded for Life or Everybody Loves Raymond. I mean, look around you. We sure aren't lacking in THAT aspect.

Its that actors in such comedies, even Friends, they are very natural in acting stupid, dumb, or even stupid. (Because recently its the stupid aspect that makes people laugh. I dont laugh at PCK's childish slip wrap antics or royalties from some Bolshyland going to a deranged household to look for a fat chef wearing a shower cap and a matching sarong as a fashion statement.) Look at Phua Chu Kang (PCK) running out that door running like a girl, and whining like a dog who just pissed Marie's* lawn. Place that against C.J. from 8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter (8 Simple Rules) stealing fries from a blind man. (Honestly, there is NO link whatsoever here but hell, 8 Simple Rules is funny cal.)

[*Marie from Everybody Loves Raymond]

Or is it that Singaporean writers are not creative?

Honestly i'd love to see PCK in a totally different setting than the house, the construction site, or the road whereby Aloysius would try to check out that girl from school. But would it be good then? No one can tell, but at least its a start..

I digress. Adressing the previous point about the au naturale talent (TauNT), Singapore's actors are over enthusiastic, they gesticulate when asked to wave, they probably would shit in their pants if asked to fart. And that over spastic face. YES, that over spastic face with which the unmistakable mole of PCK would vibrate like Mount Vesuvius with every "Best in Singapore and JB and some say Pahang."

Or Batam. Whatever.

Honestly, i think that Singaporean actors have the ability to make their people laugh. They just need a script that suits them (i really dont think Mark Lee can act as Joey from Friends) and they got to act themselves (M-A-R-K doesnt really sound anything like J-O-E-Y), and minus all that overblown movements. Good sitcoms are not made of that. They are made of Joeys and Maries.

I laughed at Gang 90210 when they were showing their members by themselves. Notice the last member, who just purely looks spastic, stupid, lazy, you name it. That brief split second of that look brought me to the brink of crying, beating YEARS of PCK hands down. Told you we have potential.

So i guess our writers have to be more flexible with their actors. Like take an actor, and write a script he could go with, not write a script and decide who could play it. And Talentime winners, Miss Singapore Universes, they cant act just because they can sing, or strut their stuff.

And Adrian Pang is a good actor.

blogs i am going to add. because im lazy and forgetful i need this.
http://godwin.ralert.com/blog
http://thepoliticaltimes.blogspot.com
http://roister.blogspot.com/
http://rongrongchen.blogspot.com
http://aqstax.blogspot.com
http://colourblindme.blogspot.com/
http://cherrrawr.blogspot.com/

nemore? just leave your add.

Be Right Back.

No, not really.

acquisition debut.

2005-01-15T11:03:00.000+08:00

my conversations nowadays on amsn are more sensible than those of last year or so, of which were replete of useless talk and attempts at jokes. its a useful change, i guess. i just hope it will somehow spread to the real world. the matrix is all but made up. it exists when we believe it does.

It couldnt have been prognosticated better, the students' reaction at the change of caterer for our school canteen. There was already so much shock and disbelief when there was wind of a new caterer coming in, and some of our beloved stalls leaving. but it couldnt be stopped, could it. the students were not even properly informed.

i approached HIM; he had his nick as "NYJC canteen food is pure shit." To start with, for religious reasons i can only visit stall 1, 2, 5 and 6, so i couldnt give a personal account of my "shitty" experience, but, i have heard much chatter about the wanton stall and their testimonies were compounded by the stall's empty queue yesterday. we discussed some things, i told him about last year's canteen stalls and more. but when he asked if they could petition for a change, i told him this:

"firstly, when a school engages a caterer, they write up a proposal. then they sign an agreement. no caterer signs a no contract agreement. so im guessing the minimum is about 5 years. furthermore, the caterer is strict with MOE regulations. about oily food and stuff. i know with non oily food, taste shouldnt be compromised but fried food is definitely easier to cook. now the only way, or say the best and easiest way for nicer food isnt to change the caterer, but make the caterer change his workers and stalls. enough said, dont eat at the canteen, or at stalls you think suck. and then influence all your friends not to do so as well. then the caterer will see that a certain stall isnt making any profit and will hopefully change it. "

i dont know if i made sense but i sure want to have more variety when i choose what to eat (currently theres only one food stall i can go to).

furthermore, im not an economist.
but i disagree sometimes.
why?

505, and im reeling.

2005-01-11T17:49:00.000+08:00

this blog will somehow be reformed, well not into a political blog, i have not the calibre to write good articles.

but probably as something different, rather than the approach used by many "bloggers" out there.

just because i was born different, and i want to be different.

change is coming.

the gluets maxima code.

2005-01-04T21:27:00.000+08:00

i found my secret formulas already.

they should be it.. coz ive never kicked so well in my life before.

now all i need is practice, practice, practice.

then all will be good and we will be happy people.

very corny.

then jamal said i have to rub my prok chop finger till i break the blood clot in it.

said there will be a lot of pain.

but i dont want it to be fat anymore!

not that its not cute lah, but its painful.

so GO GO rub it.

hey hey to all.

2005-01-02T09:41:00.000+08:00

its raining, and the feeling is gone.

joy becomes just a word, vague and faded of meaning.

their deaths may not be on everyone's minds now, and no one cares who they were.

the magic of human warmth couldnt be expressed better but in this situation.

there is hype everywhere, corporations donating to the cause, organisations sending help.

what can i do?

i need to cut my hair.

hallo!

2004-12-31T21:31:00.000+08:00

S E N T O S A

this sunday, before school reopens

for some fun, games, flips, and laughter!

ALL please come!

details later.

mosh is coming.

2004-12-26T10:26:00.000+08:00

hey hey cmon now, help to advertise!

all the details you need are on the site.

lemme just tell you what mosh is actually all about.. it originally started out as a victorian event, just picking out a spot, let victorian bands showcase their talent, by letting them have their first "basement concert"*.

that was last year, we made it a new year's eve event.

this year, we're decided to make it more of a charity event, and we have successfully acquired big big local bands to play. Acts like Ronin, bathroom acoustics and the leaven trait. Theyre from a local production, doubleyellowline, and theyre good.

just that, the mosh pit isnt very big, so we decided not to invite electrico, who would probably bring hoardes of fans, and/or reporters. would make mosh popular, but we dont want that. not so fast.

but do watch out for us every year, as we get bolder and better. theres word of acquiring a parliament room in the old parliament house for next year's event.

sounds fun?

then please support our cause.

Muhammad Fawwaz
mosh ambassador
mosh committee member
arackabamboo member
mosh web programmer
mosh web designer
proud victorian
APC hater
ok, thats enough.

i love stephen chow.

* "basement concert" = slang for when a band has their first debut concert promoting their own sounds, usually inviting only their close friends. originated from the US whereby homes have basements and bands there usually jam and have concerts there.

i feel guilty. but what did i do.

2004-12-24T07:44:00.000+08:00

mosh.05

i created the site single handedly, amidst all the work and responsibilities i had.

i fell very sick few days back.

lack of sleep? 5 hours a day.. that enough for you?

but it will all pay off.. soon.

maybe missing homework isnt really that good but would i have done it if i werent working?

i wouldnt know either.

--------------------------------

about mosh, every single one of you who reads this blog is invited.

note the $5 cover charge though. it will go to charity, but dont come if u dont wanna pay.

dont miss it, at ALL. we've got big local bands lined up for you.

so sorry for all the gay people who love electrico. we could get them, but our spot was too small for the hordes of fans they would bring in.

..maybe filipino maids too.

i'm looking for samantha wethington.

2004-12-22T09:15:00.000+08:00

this song, and thinking of samantha brings nostalgia and a sense of deep regret.

where is she?

samantha, i've kept all the mails you sent me.
all the pictures of your homeland,
the green grassy plains, the mountains that you climb.

where are you?

Sunday, August 03, 2003 4:02:06 AM was when you sent me your last message.
i never heard from you again.

will you remember me?

i miss you so much.
i pray that you're alive.
i pray that you're fine.
i know, that you're the same person you were when i first met you.

..the bridesmaid that i knew.

Dear Mr. Lim,

2004-12-18T08:53:00.000+08:00

I'd just start with a sorry. I'm sorry i cannot share your faith. I've heard numerous testimonies from your friends and family of how you and your wife would appreciate it so much if everyone at the wake had their hands up. But i didnt have mine up.

do not fret though, you are dearly loved by all your students, your friends and family and clearly, you have made us all better people. if what the pastor spoke of is true, that death is just a barrier to salvation, i pray for you.

i dont know how much i would have cried if i had known u better. now, i will never know.

i didnt know you personally, my tears were for the hundreds of people there who had lost someone they know and loved. watching your parents cry brings tears, brings me to the point where i keep telling myself, Allah has other plans for you and for all of us affected.

but change isnt always easy.

summer's leaving, but we don't even notice
the winds of my heart they change
the walls are crumbling
christmas is coming
this isnt exactly a gift.

i wrote a song for you.
i'll play it for you, i hope you hear it.
wherever you are,
i know i'll find you in the hearts of every NYJCian,
lodged and kept in memory.

for your light will never fade.

death sweeps us all.

2004-12-14T07:49:00.000+08:00

i came here as soon as i read the papers. i was in disbelief when i heard the news at first, two nights ago. then people everywhere started telling me. now im still in shock.

he was a good man.

injured and overdue.

2004-12-10T08:01:00.000+08:00

impossible is nothing.

i just havent reached it yet.

yesterday my legs cramped up. i still ran.

i got hit, i sprained my ankle, but i didnt feel anything, just felt a crack.

i fell, rolled, and got up again. then reality kicked me back in the arse.

70m, great chance, with two cramped legs.

i gave the ball to my forwards.

aiyo.

2004-12-09T04:53:00.000+08:00

there are a lot of weird people in this world.

fortune cookie.

2004-12-06T05:36:00.001+08:00

is it my tolerance level?

or is it me as a person?

and u know i cant change that. i can change my tolerance level, but do you really want that?

would you do the same to some guy you label as rich and high class?

so what's the point of me being all humble?

i don't see the point in lashing of at people who wouldn't understand a word i would speak. or would burst out in laughter if i even try to.

its insulting, i have swallowed it thus far.

but i've tried, and if i just keep quiet, im free from all this humiliation.

dont you have anything better to do? im your ONLY source of entertainment? is picking at me so fun? listen, if someone were to laugh at you at the first moment they see you, laugh at how you look, laugh at what u wear, laugh at your actions, would you have held it for a month? could you?

u want me to talk, huis? then grow up, the whole lot of you.

accuse me of being selfish, but what am i supposed to change? im supposed to be that big ugly fucker who acts all macho and puts up a brave front and scolds women?

these men die young.

if any of you were to understand one thing,
not just about me, but what i am,
is that all men have their pride.

i can't keep smiling, you cant keep wishing.

wishing that you could do that again.

SAT tomorrow.

2004-12-03T10:05:00.000+08:00

has love become a defunct word already?

if there's so much love everywhere, how come there are more problems, more questions, and no answers?

i havent said the word love and really meant it before.

never in my life.

so make me.

white.

2004-11-25T07:12:00.000+08:00

its amazing how emotional one could get when he watches a young one die because of a simple mistake.

a life lost, cut off because of fear of a worse consequence living.

while this song brings back nostalgic memories, i remember that i felt sad that night.

baby, you're all that i want
when you're lying here in my arms..

masturbateforpeace

2004-11-18T09:11:00.000+08:00

it felt like an hour, but it were only for a while.

i woke up.

-----------------------------

orchard road has a high percentage of losers.

i dont know but i notice more of the girls then the guys who try so much to "look good". or perhaps too much that it shows.

its ugly.

only a few days and somehow, i seem to keep wondering if make up is a turn off.
maybe only for me, coz there has to be people who appreciate how a person looks.
im not saying make up is bad, or that dressing up is stupid, but what for? i see 14 year olds trying to look good, (even the fucking pop music scene has 13 yr olds running around in Gucci wear) but well what for.

i dont know how i could express this but whats so fucking special about this place people deem as "town" such that u gotta be weird to be here.

why cant u be normal?

-----------------------------

getting sick of christmas songs.

i got momentarily stunned when i first set my eyes upon char.

well for one she didnt look weird, and i was pretty close when i guessed she was in dance. (she's a gymnast.)

im not exactly in love with her, but she's worth lookin at.

oh. we call it "eye candy".

huis knows. then maybe she will too.

-----------------------------

sum41's chuck

great new album, now less of poppy punk, harder music but still would appeal to the masses.
songs like Open Your Eyes and We're All to Blame revisit sum41's talent at messing around with vocals, and not many bands can do that. for the fainter hearted and pop lovers, Pieces, Slipping Away and Some Say will appeal to you. Overall, this album will appeal to many, as it can cater to fucked up Good Charlotte listeners as well as Papa Roach lovers.

3.87outof5 donkey tails.

Papa Roach's Getting Away With Murder

I wouldn't say this album is a disappointment but Papa Roach has definitely gone softer. Less of the screaming antics you hear in Last Resort and more of the vocal expertise of the vocalist, just less of screaming. Papa Roach's songs about betrayal, family ties and mistakes have always had meaning in their lyrics, and Scars, which speak of past mistakes leaving unerasable scars sounds so good you wont be able to guess how they did it. Songs with meanings and great rhythm and melodies will definitely appeal to many.

3.22outof5 donkeytails

-----------------------------

back to work.

bust my pork chops.

2004-11-10T06:30:00.000+08:00

yesterday i started work. pretty fine, wonderful friendly colleagues, and i get 3 free t shirts and a fine fine badge that says "Let Me Wrap!".

just so you dont get a heart attack when u go to Heeren and spot ME with that badge, i'll tell you first.

im working at the heeren as a gift wrapper for the festive season. i have my shifts, so if ur lucky enough you'll catch me in action, stealing customers' items and giving them empty boxes.

gee. how nice.

-------------------------------------------

work, school, rugby, even in this period i gotta divide my time. actually, i gotta do it more than during normal school time.

im forced to put

work
school
ecgs volunteer work
jamming
rugby
family
parkour
friends

like, work takes 11 hours a day, 6 days a week.
school is in the morning.
volunteer work.. i must handle the stress of juggling everyone's time.
jamming .. i gotta make sure everyone is free, then i gotta be free myself. and thats tough.
rugby is actually above all, just that i dont do it recreationally, i got no time for that.
for hari raya, i gotta work still. i mean in the day my dad works so we cant go out, but at night, im still out coz ive agreed to work and the first shift ends at 8.
parkour.. sigh. i cant go for meets, i cant do much except pk with NC and azure at night.
friends.. well. i cant go out with u guys. my off day will be taken up by jamming and volunteer work. wanna go out? after 8 la. i see when i am doing first shift, then maybe we can catch a movie together.

sigh, sigh, sigh.

i dont regret taking that job though. but im feeling stressed up now coz everybody has school. thats irritating. haha.

please visit the previous post on the volunteer work.

hello, world.

2004-11-08T08:37:00.000+08:00

im lost. ive got so much stuff to do, but i dont know where to start.

i cant wait to start work, but all my other responsibilities..

..im lost.

if you're asking, i'll say no, you cant help.

unless you can give me a YES reply to this message:

-------------------------------------------------

hello everyone.

my name is fawwaz, and i am a volunteer for ECGS, or epilepsy care group, singapore.

on the 11th of december, members of the ECGS, who are mostly epileptic patients, and their families will gather, like they do annually, for a christmas party.

this year, they will have it again, only difference is, YOU, yes YOU will have a chance to give them the time of their lives.

some of you may have sold flags for communities u never heard of, societies you never knew existed. now, u can be closer to a society, understand their cause, and help patients lead a normal life.

what you will do is help the ECGS organise its christmas bash.

when: 11th dec, 7-10 pm

where: NUS

pax: 100++

what else: benedict goh will be hosting. and no, mediacorp isnt involved.

------------------------------------------------------------

question: ITS SO FUN!! how do i join?!

answer: reply to this mail, expressing your interest.

question: what do i have to do after i hop on the bandwagon?

answer: i will contact you.

question: what will be my duties?

answer: u will attend meetings, discussions about the party. as proposed, there will be weekly meetings, two hours or longer each, till 11th dec. if you feel that you do not have the commitment for meetings but u want to help, there are other jobs for you, like performing or helping out at the party itself. if you cant make it for the party, its alright, just do planning. some of the planners may have to undertake leadership positions like treasurer and all. its absolutely essential.

question: what other incentives are there?

answer: CIP hours, enrichment points. free good food. (i think.. just dont join coz of food.) the CIP hours are unlimited. lol.. i clock the hours for you guys.. so make this party a good one, have fun planning it, and i promise you more hours.

question: can i bring in other friends?

answer: haha.. yes yes sure. but im looking at 10-15 ppl, so if there are too many i may have to ask you guys to perform other duties other than planning. the main work is planning. there is still the logistics part and all. or backstage crew. or u cud sign up as a volunteer as well! do websites, newsletters, help mantain their 2nd hand shop. anyway i may have missed some of my own friends (you know who u are) in sending this so u guys might want to forward it.

question: what if i have MORE questions?

answer: contact me at spargawz@hotmail.com gawzshiai@gmail.com 91784318 64894351 -scaff.blogspot.com

hope to hear from you soon.

defs

2004-11-04T16:19:00.000+08:00

fugly = fucking ugly = me + my blog links has some nnnnice curves.

im on the race to magically alter the post count on my dashboard which somehow stays at 26.

good evening now.

"..And i feel so lost. I shed my block of hate but what if nothing emerges in the hole it left? the universe is so large, and the world is so glorious, but here i am on a sunny August morning with chilled black ink pumping through my veins, and i feel like the unholiest thing on earth. "

2004-11-04T01:31:00.000+08:00

"Kerry Has Conceded

Many of our hidden factors did in fact materialize--the raw numbers of urban, minority, and youth voters did in fact go up. But they were matched by a hidden turnout on the Republican side that appears to have been driven by moral issues. Amazingly, there were still some unturned evangelical stones. George Bush has been re-elected on the backs of gays.

There is a close tie between these issues and fears of terrorism--"culture war" and "clash of civilization" are synonyms. Bush's base really does feel embattled (against all evidence to the contrary), and there are enough of them that Republicans can lose the Main Street economic conservatives of yesteryear to us and still win.

I have a lot of negative feelings right now, none of which I'll be airing in public. This is the place for more constructive thoughts. We must find our silver linings and begin to harness the strides we've made to build a progressive majority. The passage of Election Day gives us permission to think long-term again.

So, thanks to Kerry for running an excellent October (though we'll pick apart all those pre-October mistakes and learn from them), to the surge of volunteers for pushing us further than we might have gone otherwise, to the bloggers for keeping the media at least somewhat honest and the base energized.

Let the planning begin."

Michael, playingnow.blogspot.com
used without permission.
aww cmon now.. this isnt PW..

pre-1999:jason

2004-11-03T08:04:00.000+08:00

"..what i came to believe, which is, as i've said all along, that the sun may burn brightly, and the faces of children may be plump and achingly sweet, but in the air we breathe, in the water we drink and the food we share, there will always be darkness in this world."

divine intervention

2004-11-02T13:57:00.000+08:00

12:37 i awoke to nothingness.

---------------------------------

i promised cheryl i'd be back in an hour when i left at 8:54.

i never kept it.

dozing off at 9:18, my work was left undone.

but Allah didnt want me asleep.

He woke me up.

---------------------------------

Diary of a Midnight Oil Burner.

12:42 Switch on computer

12:44 Restart work

01:58 Stomach grumbles. Visits the kitchen to cook noodles.

02:19 Restart work

04:09 Mom wakes up

04:50 Start printing

04:51 Realisation sets in. There is insufficient paper.

04:52 The ever reliable right brain kicks into gear.

04:53 Resume printing

05:18 Start of fast

05:42 Morning prayers

05:50 Resume printing

06:58 End printing. Start panic.

the taxi sped up the delivery process. i wasnt late for my presentation.

---------------------------------

i dreamt of not completing my GPF before i woke up.

Allah did wake me up, im sure of it.

He used a funny method though. i wont elaborate. its embarassing.

but we all forget our prayers.

religious appreciation.

2004-11-01T07:01:00.000+08:00

"How was the camp?"

"have you eaten?"

"tired? go to sleep first, i'll wake you up in the morning..."

never would i hear this words reverberate against my house walls.

it would always be scolding, dissing, and much much of hurtful words.

words that suggest mistrust of other family members.

i'm 17. im not an adult but i can rationalise. and things that are logical, need i explain?

im not the one who needs to grow up.

its you who needs to understand.

-----------------------------------------------

handling 10 year old kids could never be more enriching. we both had our fun - the kids and the group facilitators, joking around, making fun of ourselves and getting ourselves dirty. in this period from friday evening till sunday night, i have met more people and clicked with them more than i have at any camp.

many people have qualms about fasting during a camp.

1. No, it doesnt make you any weaker than the rest. In fact, you feel stronger, being able to resist temptation that is laid ahead of you.

2. you gotta wake up like shit early, and usually theres no food in zee wee hours. well, true, but all you gotta do is open your mouth, and tell them u gotta eat in the morning. they'll understand (except maybe marlins who will do it but curse you behind ur back). a friend of mine offered to wake up with me and get me food.. but i didnt eat breakfast for the two days. and i did pull it off, so why cant you?

if you are in ncc, they take care of it. and holy cow.. NDU food is heavenly.

i was playing around with a lot of people during this camp. i'll start with the kids in my group, Harlan of Hook. in no particular order..

1. Bianca Nicole
..is a quiet girl who looks like she's unhappy all the time, but when she smiles, its all good. (: according to her, i owe her a dollar. she has a twin sister, terri, who doesnt look like her at first glance. she likes to sit at the back of rows, and she drinks soursop juice. she's the biggest in the group, i think she's gone thru puberty already (she wears a bra). she left on sunday night with her sister.

2. Hong Yuen
..is, according to some other kid, the second most richest in his class. if you dont already know, tao nan school is full of kids whose fathers are businessmen, laywers, ok you get the idea. he owns three handphones (gasp! technically i dont own any). models are N6610, SonyEricsson K700i, and a Samsung clamshell (holy. he also said my phone is 'old'). he wears OP slippers and prefers to run without them. he doesnt like cheering, and he swears. haha.. he's cute but will go violent sometimes. (he's got an 18 yr old sister in HCJC.) he's vibrant and will grow up to be a bright kid. i left him in the hall.

3. Amelia
..is a curly haired girl who is in GEP. she wears red plastic specs and is good friends with Hui Jie. her voice is whiny and she looks and acts like a typical kid. haha.. overall, i have no problems with her. she's one of the first girls to talk in the group. she left on sunday night for today's GEP listening comprehension.

4. Hui Jie
.. is a smart GEP girl. she looks very decent and well brought up, and shes cute when she smiles. she has dimples and long hair. she wore a short-skirt (umm not those skimpy ones.. its shorts but with a piece of cloth over the front part of her legs, making it look like a skirt.) i dont know why she didnt go home with Amelia on sunday night. she looked flustered at supper. she left midway.

5. Richmond
.. is the kid whose name i guessed correctly. he wears specs and isnt as active as the other boys. but he talks quite a lot, and he can lead, but is afraid to take the stand without approval from others. in other words, he isnt much of a rebel. he wore the same shirt he used to sleep in for the second day of camp. haha.. theres nothing wrong with that. it was just quite distinctive.

6. Benjamin Koh
.. is the biggest kid in the group, and also the most irritating. not irritating but irritating. in a sense that he doesnt want to participate for stupid reasons. dont wanna cheer coz its stupid, he dont wanna support girls just coz they are girls. so much that he once released pearlyn when she was about 1 metre high up in the air, and she almost got hurt. i could have killed him for that.

7. Shen Wei
.. is some crazy kid. he is the smallest in the group, and disregards 65.2% of instructions given to him. he is slow at doing things, we got to speed him up everytime. walking, packing, understanding. he likes gadgets and he loves the PDA. he is the only one in the group without a sleeping bag. he drinks calamansi juice and he hit me with his empty waterbottle. it hurt.

8. Kenneth/Yong Wen
.. is the "Hi Fawwaz" kid. eveytime i see him, he says "Hi Fawwaz". he is pretty funky, he looks like a typical 'kenneth'. natural spiky hair and metal utensils. he carried the flag to supper.

9. Yee Ting
.. calls me a vampire. i have no idea why, but i play along. anyway it was full moon on saturday night. halloween was coming. she's plump and she giggles. she wears specs and i owe her $100. HAHA eat your long beans, Yee Ting. she looks like a housewife. i cant place her, but i can imagine her with long teeth and white hair. is she the real vampire?

10. Pearlyn
.. is quiet, she only talked on the first day. after the dropping incident, she sat down and kept quiet. i asked her if she felt fine, and she said she did. i gave her some water.

11. Loy Jun Yi
.. came with his mother, who warned me that Jun Yi is a shy boy who find it hard to take part in activities. Jun Yi, when he talks, he doesnt make eye contact. he is cute but not cooperative. he is one of the boys in Harlan who i find hard to persuade. he cried at the last dinner when one of his friends hit his head. i think he felt betrayal, not pain.

12. Mabel Ho
.. is the missing player in Harlan. She didnt come coz she was sick and i wore her nametag on the first day. my group made a lot of noise about it and i took it off on the second day. Cheryl wore it instead and this conversation transpired when a kid took a glance at the nametag.

kid: "Hey! you have exactly the same name as my friend!"

cheryl: "uh, okaay.." .. thats coz it IS her name.

13. Lee Jing
.. is the second biggest girl in the group. she wears size 36 and black specs. she's active but doenst ask questions. hmm.. wheres jessica?

14. Jessica
.. is cute, and she wore heels to dragonboating. haha, not high heels, just kiddy heels. she fell and hurt her elbow on the second day and was quiet since then.

..... and these kids make up Harlan Hook. Without them, i dont think me or cheryl would have much fun.

and as for the other kids who i have made acquaintances with..

Cedric Chua
Handsome, friendly and bubbly. Full of expression and joy. He is intelligent and he is really full of energy such that when i told him to run for the other members, he did. Cant wait to meet him again.

Ariel Quek
She is from Pamela's group, and she is VERY cute. haha.. im SOOO paedophilic. she first laughed as my "bananaphone" concept of talking to other ppl thru bananas, and then made fun of my nametag (that read CHERYL) and then her friends called me sissy. before i left, i visited her sleeping bag and found out her name. cant wait to meet her again.

Matthew
This kid is full of crap. He talks back at every instruction and his fringe is a horizontal. i didnt talk much to him, but i did play around with him.

.. and thats about it.

i feel it wasnt the activities that made this camp fun. it was the kids, all of the kids. if it wasnt for the kids i wouldnt be smiling as i write this.

i hope i played a part in moulding a part of their character and made them better people.

even if only for two days i dont think this bond between me and the kids will be easily be broken.

i will remember them as much as they will remember me.

and this blog will bear witness.

oral satisfaction

2004-10-27T17:33:00.000+08:00

umm hey. imagine seeing Sylvester Stallone all over the movie you're watching, only to find out John Travolta is being credited in the end credits.

makes you wonder if you're watching the wrong movie or...

you lost your mind! GASP!

13th october 2004

2004-10-14T01:35:00.000+08:00

today, i think i saved a cat's life.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

and maybe broke my collarbone.

injured and overdue.

2004-07-27T22:57:00.000+08:00

scaff 27.07.2004 16.53.15

ATTN!! : i wont be posting much from now to my promos, gotta start working already. the parent-teacher assoc made me change. i think people really DO care. i now have to give up some things i love to do, like jamming and shit. posting too.

scaff 27.07.2004 16.54.15

i wont be going online much as well. sorry people, i hope you do understnad, im in a tight fit with 4As and juggling hobbies that i love. but i will do my best, i will take care, and i hope you do too.

scaff 27.07.2004 16.54.25

i still like cassandra.

drink mud on a cold day.

2004-07-22T22:23:00.000+08:00

i am standoff.

i send the ball to my inside centre.
i execute moves.
i shout for drift.
i communicate.
i create opportunities.

i am flyhalf.

i kickoff.
i punt when necessary.
i fire torpedoes straight out on the foo.
i kick 22 dropouts.

i am a five-eight.

i dummy.
i score 5 for my school, for glory.

all it took was patience.

fuck YOUR life.

2004-07-18T01:19:00.001+08:00

"fuck my life..." - an ex-schoolmate.

"my life sucks." - a good buddy.

17 yr olds? how would you live life when every single day of your life
you engulf yourself with feelings and thoughts that would only break
you deeper and shadow you from the lights of hope?

you wallow in self-pity.

who will come to aid?

and when it comes, your heart will still be shut, not appreciating the
fact that we love you, we want you to be happy. why do you not care?

you whine about how the world is unfair. i'll tell you one thing. if we
havent been putting up a successful facade for this long, you wouldnt
have survived either.

its like having two magnets of the same polarity. like how men shun away from those who could not help them.

because they are just the same.

item no.: H-9337

2004-07-16T20:19:00.000+08:00

Doc Ock: " I won't die a monster."

Subtitles: "I wanna die, master."

Hilarious. The malaysians reeeeeally shouldn't attempt to subtitle movies. i mean, given that the movie is in english and the sublitles are english as well.

the quality's really good, for a movie that is still screening in theaters. its like watching a vcd, widescreen and clear. but it cant beat a cinema experience, nothing can, but this is all i can afford.

come to think of it, it kinda feels like my imax experience of the matrix revolutions, undoubtedly one of the best movies ever made.

for those who havent gotten my drift yet, i just watched a Spider-man 2 dvd, courtesy of Kang Phil Jin, bought in malaysia for a mere 10RM. fucking good quality too!

its done very professionally too. the menu's cool, they have different languages, scene selections, and subtitles. dont know why they even bother.

i asked if anyone wanted to have their own copy of the spider-man 2 dvd, but now ive gotta return the dvd. nobody took it seriously.. they all forgot as quick as they were told of it. maybe i should have put an announcement like this:

holy word! it rhymes!

but i gotta say, spider-man 2 is the best superhero sequel ever made. umm. but the question is still.. how many superhero sequels were ever made?

The Hulk had none. read an article here.
Daredevil had none.
Batman is bullshit. Lame hysterical menaces and cars that can ride on walls. From USATODAY.com,: "..The Batman franchise turned out some of the lamest baddies in the pantheon of superhero stories.."
X-Men/X-Men 2 is cool too. I like colossus. just that it doesnt strike the heart as much as sp2 does, and i dont quite like Magneto be a lame old weak hag like Ian McKellen.
Superman had sequels? that was like centuries ago when the movie was released. Also, "..Gene Hackman's goofy portrayal of Lex Luthor still pains some Superman fans..", from USATODAY.com
Wonder woman didnt have sequels, she just had a revamp. nobody bought into her covering her cleavage.
The Punisher was remade.
The Phantom had none.
Hellboy had none.
Spawn, one of the best too! but it had no sequel.
no hey Blade's great too!

did anyone watch blade?

who has blade 2? lend it to me pleeeeeeease?

ok so now its blade, spawn and spider-man. best superhero movies made. the rest.. id rather read the comics. uh. no money to buy those either.

about spider-man, i cant wait for the big big break. biggest ever thing that can happen to spider-man - Venom and Carnage.

baybeats starts today. so far only godwin, guo feng, me, diyana, and danny is confirmed going for Day 2 (17/4).
anyone else wanna come along? cmon, its gonna be FUN!

and yeah my jaw is sore. i dont know why, but it just hurts when i bite or when i yawn. probably too much yawning lah. haha.. or maybe if i used logic to answer it'd be coz of rugby.

and yes, im in love with cassandra.

i want to be the guy eating chicken in a fish shop.

go figure.

attn.

2004-07-13T02:08:00.000+08:00

students fluster into the hall.

the pcfp member impatiently commands the flock.

standing, i gaze at the class rows taking shape while "Onward Singapore" starts reverberating against the high walls and into the vertebrate organ of hearing.

we chill at the attempt at patriotism.

i yawn.

sleepy day tomorrow.

take note the time.

i am done.

feezics.

2004-07-10T09:00:00.000+08:00

Mr Sim is fucking stupid.

you see, nyjc has this electronicmessageboard (EMB) where teachers can post their messages, put up files for download. well, its a good system as students can go and download whatever they need.

in a school system where most people hate education and despise teachers, we need to be told if anything is placed on the emb for us to see. well basically no one checks the emb -coz theres usually nothing there- unless our teachers tell us to do so.

so this piece-of-shit mr sim/sym/seem posts an announcement:

Please check that your marks are keyed in correctly. The result is pinned on the notice board outside 5-56. Inform your Physics tutor of any discrepancy as soon as possible. No change of results allowed after 4 pm today (8/7/04).

well if there ARE certain losers who check the emb, they do it at HOME. so what they gonna do. go home, check their emb at 8pm, see this fucked up announcement, go back to school and check it? what if there ARE discrepancies?

cmon la mr sim/sym/seem, u can make a REAL announcement you know. like, microphone, students, lecture theater?

well you DID make an announcement, saying our results are on the EMB (thats not true, the results are on the noticeboard). but you never told us no dateline, meeester.

not saying theres something wrong with my marks. i just dont like this mr sim/sym/seem. once when i came 10 mins early for the physics paper with a classmate, he dissed us, saying "400 people waiting for 2." is his sarcastic tone. then the stupid ugly side parting asshole said, "i dont want to waste your time, u can come in by the other door." reading this here doesnt have any effect, but if u were one of the 400 ppl ud know that it would piss anyone off.

during the first three months, two victorian hooligan losers who were taking physics counted his words-per-minute rate (this guy speak VERY slowly thats why it pisses anyone off) and it turns out this guy speaks 77 words per minute.

for your info i passed my physics. lol. yes, without studying. its a pretty good acheivement, considering i told EVERYONE i'd fail physics. haha.

yesterday was woodstock. i wont bore you this details. but i was told my band was good, the ex-teacher band was better. they were the best, actually.

KIMBERLY TAN!

well we moshed to oldies, superhero songs, and sappy pop.

but it was a success for my band, as its our first gig, of three, that the crowd got moving, and loved what we played. but too bad we didnt get to play the song i wrote. stupid teachers. i mean they loved us lor.

haha.. basically i just didnt get enough of it. now we gotta wait one more year.

i cant believe richard's band played pop shit. i mean its like so gay. stand by me and all..

but overall, i got wet, i crowd surfed, and it was all fun fun and fun. its the most happening thing for those who took part - moshers, performers - but nanyang is still a boring school for those who didnt.

school sucks.

inertiaisaBIGword.

2004-07-04T01:09:00.000+08:00

German kids are beautiful, he thought, as he looked at the dull, purple Saudi Arabian Airlines calendar, dusty from the years it had been left there. He flipped open the cover of the washing machine, took off the sweaty blue t-shirt he had been wearing to exercise, only to reveal an interesting discovery - an injury from the night before.

Starry starry night? Not quite for this group of smelly male ex-victorians as they lumbered towards bus stop 042 along Marine Parade Road, waiting to join a couple of unlucky bus passengers on their journey. Wherever they went, noise followed. Wasn't any different, under the dim flourescent lights of the typically Marine Parade bus stop. There was this particular boy, clothed in jeans and a 018-designed 'The Pink Lollipops' shirt whose very presence exuded violence and brutality. He held a grey plastic Nalgene bottle, it being guilty of smacking the crown jewels of this supposedly innocent boy, who, in his entire life has been plagued with an inferiority complex mental condition. Bus 55 came and went. Bus 36 came and passengers alighted, passengers got on. Beyond its open doors sat a bus driver who was observant enough to spot this group of boys who were hurriedly trying to get him to keep the doors open for them.

Dax broke his front tooth when he was 13. For those who could afford dentists, they would have some sort of fake tooth attached to the broken tooth to make all of it look fine again. Well, thats exactly what he did,. 'cept his could be removed at his own discretion. And so it was a 'magic show' back in bus 36. Now you see the broken tooth. Then its fixed! What a miracle. Typical pigs of men. Standing ahead of him was crown jewels. Crown jewels, or rather, smashed crown jewels was a good citizen, ever so holding on to the bus handles. After him was this VJC student, reading the latest edition of The New Paper, which featured an elaborate piece-by-piece recollection of the Greeks' lucky streak through Euro '04. Then it was crunch time.

It was like everything happened in bullet time.

Try and picture it. Now be smashed crown jewels.

The bus halts once. Everybody gets pushed back (as you are facing the back of the bus) by the small amount of inertia generated by the sudden stop and bus 36's speed.

A sharp release of the brakes that was just applied can be felt right after that.

Then as soon as the first halt occurs, a second halt occurs, this time, adding bus 36's maximum speed, the sharp brakes, and the weight of the bus, generating an inertia so great Dax, VJC boy and you get thrown back to the front of the bus.

Your left ribs get jammed into the smarp metal at the back of the EZ-Link card reader, which helped to break your fall but injures you when the bus halted for the second time.

Your vision is immediately directed towards VJC boy and Dax at the front of the bus, who flew past you and now lay in a heap at the front stairs.

You get up, ignore your injuries and help VJC boy get up.

You get worried as Dax says he can't breathe properly.

what you're missing.

2004-07-02T10:18:00.000+08:00

these are the bands i dig : (if u can recognise FIVE of the bands here, then ur cool.)

rufio*
underOATH**
my chemical romance**
autopilot off^^
the get up kids*
avenged sevenfold
slayer
bigwig^^
catch22
brazil*
light the sky*
spitalfield*
best interest*
hellogoodbye*
transition*
fallout boy*
count the stars*
dashboard confessional*
new found glory^^
emery**
none more black^^
matchbook romance**
the ataris*
dead poetic**
the gamits*
saosin**
freemartin*
punchline*
suicide machines
thrice**
beloved (US)**
stafford**
the victory year*
brandtson*
brand new*
i am a disaster*
transistor radio*
rydia*
paint by numbers*
watashi wa*
jamisonparker*
the beautiful mistake*
midtown^^
as i lay dying
time will tell (FL)*
a fire inside*
boysetsfire^^
taking back sunday*
story of the year**
Allister^^
coheed and Cambria*
Mest^^
Further Seems Forever**
Letter Kills**
yesterdays Rising**
Tsunami Bomb^^
The Starting Line*
All that's Left*
Senses Fail**
Slow Coming Day**
Something Corporate*
Suburban Legends
The Early November*
The Juliana Theory*
Thursday*
Madison*
waking ashland*
hawthorne heights**
better luck next time**
the used**
from first to last**
melee*
jersey^^
the bank robbers**
my american heart**
amber pacific**
the collapse*
up up down down*
royden**
jinxed*
divide by zero**

those bands in bold are highly recommended.
* denotes emo bands
** denotes screamo bands
^^ denotes punk bands
and those unmarked are in the metal/ska/skapunk/melodic metalcore catogories.

yesterday i got an sms from jihad.
he asked me if i wanted to play as bassist in mal's band.
ive heard mal play and haffiz is a wicked guitarist.
the catch is that they play emo/screamo - thats what i want to play.
and i respect them.
and now im a part of it.
this is wonderful.

The Adventures of OJY: The Mighty Superstar Prop in 9 days.

try the subservient chicken.

2004-06-30T20:13:00.000+08:00

what do songs do?

give one spiritual enlightenment?
if i write more maybe i'll fly.

rescue one from pain? (the vocalist from The Used said music healed him.)
yep. maybe more will do it. then i can stock up these "painkillers" to use after matches.

relieve one from stress?
im not even stressed in the first place. sub 0 into stress in the equation music = de-stress then it will become music = (de)(0) and subsequently music is useless (0).

then why am i writing so many songs?

yup yup. i wrote one today. full song, clocked less than 3 mins. its one of those short heart stoppers. its got its holy-shit-this-is-nice parts. maybe next year woodstock. this year ive got too many songs unfinished and unpracticed. gonna do that with my band. but for this particular song, im opening it out to all you peeps. yes, thats right baby. if u think the likes of Autopilot Off, Punchline, Brandtson and Midtown, come and approach ME! haha, i'll play you the song, or maybe my band play u the song and u WRITE THE LYRICS! w00t. coz im sick of writing lyrics. i got 3 songs without lyrics. save me some stress. haha.. but must be good leh. or else then whats the use. if i had fans i'd have asked them. what the hell. im probably the only one serious about writing, recording songs. sigh, cant blame anyone. maybe they just dont have the stuff, or the time. i think it just takes passion. i play when i come home, before i sleep, before school, dammit its my hobby! haha. i never realised i had a hobby. whee. so kewl.

The Adventures of OJY: The Mighty Superstar Prop in 10 days.

today's nick: _if. "http://www.subserviantchicken.com///iknowyouresickofhearingthisbutitsTRUE.iwroteanewsong.//" -scaff.blogspot.com
song now: Saosin - Seven Years (acoustic)
talking to: eileen

(untitled)

2004-06-29T15:53:00.000+08:00

i ripped this off hui min's site which was ripped off this guy meh mehz's site. hopefully he dont mind.. haha.. its a nice read.

hotfudgesundae_ @ 11:49 am: Customer Service (CS) Rep. : "Yes, Ma'am, how may I help you today?"

Customer: "Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install LOVE. Can you guide me through the process?"

CS Rep. : "Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?"

Customer: "Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready to install now. What do I do first?"

CS Rep. : "The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART ma'am?"

Customer: "Yes I have, but there are several other programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?"

CS Rep. : "What programs are running ma'am?"

Customer: "Let's see, I have PAST-HURT.EXE, LOW ESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now."

CS Rep. : "No problem. LOVE will gradually erase PAST-HURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOW-ESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGH-ESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?"

Customer: "I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?"

CS Rep. : "My pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invoke FORGIVENESS.EXE. Do this as many times as necessary until GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM have been completely erased."

Customer: "Okay, done. LOVE has started installing itself automatically. Is that normal?"

Cs Rep. : "Yes. You should receive a message that says it will reinstall for the life of your HEART. Do you see that message?"

Customer: "Yes I do. Is it completely installed?"

Cs Rep. : "Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other HEARTS in order to get the upgrades."

Customer: "Oops. I have an error message already. What should I do?"

Cs Rep. : "What does the message say?"

Customer: "It says "ERROR 412 - PROGRAM NOT RUN ON INTERNAL COMPONENTS. What does that mean?"

Cs Rep. : "Don't worry ma'am, that's a common problem. It means that the LOVE program is set up to run on external HEARTS but has not yet been run on your HEART. It is one of those complicated programming things, but in nontechnical terms it means you have to "LOVE" your own machine before it can "LOVE" others."

Customer: "So what should I do?"

Cs Rep. : "Can you pull down the directory called"SELFACCEPTANCE"?"

Customer: "Yes, I have it."

Cs Rep. : " Excellent. You're getting good at this."

Customer: "Thank you."

Cs Rep. : "You're welcome. Click on the following files and then copy them to the "MYHEART" directory: FORGIVE-SELF.DOC, REALIZE-WORTH.TXT, and ACKNOWLEDGE-LIMITATIONS.DOC. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching any faulty programming. Also, you need to delete VERBOSE-SELF-CRITIC.EXE from all directories, and then empty your recycle bin afterwards to make sure it is completely and permanently gone erased."

Customer: "Got it. Hey! My HEART is filling up with new files. SMILE.MPG is playing on my monitor right now and it shows that PEACE.EXE, and CONTENTMENT.COM are copying themselves all over my HEART. Is this normal?"

Cs Rep. : "Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually everything gets downloaded at the proper time. So, LOVE is installed and running. You should be able to handle it from here. One more thing before I go."

Customer: "Yes?"

Cs Rep. : "LOVE is freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everybody you meet. They will share it with other people and then return some similarly sacred modules back to you."

Customer: "I will. Thanks for your help. By the way, what's your name?"

Cs Rep. : " You may call me the Divine Cardiologist, also known as The Great Physician, but most call me God. Many people feel all they need is an annual checkup to stay heart-healthy, but the Manufacturer suggests a schedule of daily maintenance for maximum efficiency. Put another way, keep in touch . . =)

yoplait.

2004-06-27T13:34:00.000+08:00

this is the 6th day.

no no, not that dumb arnie show. i havent touched the comp for that long.

im too lazy to write what happened, and im sure ud be bored. so i'll just give highlights, u can ask me for more.

22nd June

vsair camp. still the hell it was. a sec 3, hazwan, cried when interviewed. we were much more disciplined back then.

took a rough gamble at the time the last buses went. 87 never came. dad gave me a "why-are-u-so-fucking-stupid" lecture. told me i was "still a kid", should be home at 10 everyday.

reached home at 1.40 am

Happy Birthday, Jeremy.

23rd June

left singapore for KL at 0630 am. i slept most of the journey. checked in at MiCasa Hotel early. wonderful hotel, but cannot beat free accomodation at Holiday Inn Kuching, where my uncle is the GM.

i stayed in the hotel to study when my family went shopping. caught 3 movies on HBO.
Second String, which, alongside Waterboy, showed that American Football needs 90% of tactics to win. skills are secondary.
Murder She Wrote:The Celtic Mystery. A dumb irish thriller, fucking cliche in all aspects. the only thing that kept me watching it was an actress who looked like Lorelai Gilmore.
Ocean's Eleven. 5 stars.

this day could be marked in history as the day i had beer in my system. i ordered fish and chips from the bar downstairs. it was fucking good. you do the math. technically, i ATE beer.

then germany lost.

24th June

breakfast dowstairs was a big fat holy tasty buffet. free, too. shouldnt send mom to any buffets in future. dammit its a buffet.. yet she scolded me for taking too much food. of which, i finished, but she just thought it made us look stupid. who fucking cares? we're in MALAYSIA, hello..

i started to do my work, but then mom urged me to 'de-stress' at sunway lagoon with the family. (ironic coz i never get stressed in the first place. and till now, i havent studied.) but i went anyway. and all i have to say is, FUCKING STUPID! DO THEY THINK ASIANS ARE SO FUCKING GAYS?? MALAYSIA HAS SO MUCH FUCKING LAND! BUILD BETTER ROLLER COASTERS WILL YOU??! ok fine you tired to have one but people died, and u had to close it. fair enough. THEN TRY AGAIN LAH.. fuck, sunway was a waste of time and money. collaborate with USA's six flags la.. theyre so great im aiming to go there. i then rethought my ambitions. why chem engineer? i dont even know. i was aiming for money back then. now im having 2 choices.

1. open a chain of eateries, selling british tea, confectioneries. have u tried scones? singapore's short of it. ive thought of a menu, but it needs more research. british tea is great. earl grey tea, especially.

2. go to malaysia and buy land, collaborate with six flags america, and all those theme parks in korea, japan, and australia, and have the most successful theme park in asia pacific. its a big aim but its not impossible. we're short of good roller coasters. in the US, a roller coaster with loops and corkscrews is normal. here, i havent even sat in one that has a loop, much less a corkscrew.

dinner at Tapas, the oyster bar, was fabulous. tasted duck for the first time, and then had apple crepes. fabulous, i say.

then watched england and portugal. got my veins running, that match. but i still love rugby. rugby heats me up even more.

Happy Birthday, Sister.

25th June

had buffet breakfast again. this time, i ate less. still free, though.

checked out. the petronas towers are really friggin high. but its climbable. i told my brother i'll be climbing it in future. not alone, i think. will bring more parkour ppl.

and the system there is totally 10000000% fucked up. u need TICKETS to get up. i understand, maybe for security, maybe a safety measure, but at 10, one and a half hours after it opens, tickets all given away? THEN WHY HAVE SO LONG OPENING HOURS?!? stupid.

the rest, im too lazy to write. sigh, so long, malaysia. next time, i'll INSIST we go to kuching. at least got free accomodation and nice cousins. sigh.

26th June

8 hour cip for the ECGS.

marcus's birthday party. the gilmore girls rock. mr khoo watches it. HAHA. a lot of people do. coz they rock, honestly. now edris watches it. haha..

i think suk/sook ching/chin (im bad with chinese names, but i'll use sook ching) is cute. its an honest statement, but i wont make any move. i dont think i have any chance. but she's pretty friendly. i dont think she sees me as a candidate for her love anyway. maybe a friend. i'll carry on my other fantasies now.

edris's dad sent me home again. was really tired.

i slept with the lights on.

today's nick: _if. "5days,imbackonline." -scaff.blogspot.com
song now: Fall Out Boy - Tell That Boy Mick He Just Made My List Of Things To Do Today
talking to: bong, ning, eileen, nas.

i have, i have!

2004-06-18T21:08:00.000+08:00

i have done the impossible. i guess adidas was right.

ive written lyrics for the 3rd song!!

i quote myself,
"just, i cannot write lyrics for the verses. maybe im afraid to spoil the verse but then nothing ive tried seemed to fit."

but now i have! lol.. i stayed up till 4 am to finish it. i hope it'll work but i want to sing it and that would mean we would have to make some band arrangements. i wont play lead guitar anymore.

the song is about someone who has had an experience with his parents that we will remember, but not rejoice. and dreams were his only salvation.

its my first shot at emo song lyrics, so forgive me if the lyrics suck. give me your two cents worth anyway. thanks.

My Only Salvation

Verse1
one day, a new day, i start to recover
from past losses and past mistakes
i never thought that my heart could mend
but in time my heart could open again

you never brought me to where i wanted

this day, a bright day, i pull back the curtains
and greet the sun that brings hope
i know that you wont be here to watch me
but you'll stay forever in memories

you never brought me to places higher

Chorus
Sailing away and away to discover
what dreams hold back
Dreaming away and away still believe
that dreams do come true

Verse2
Time passes like wind on water
my love for you is all but gone
in times when hearts easily waver
mine's with you, but not for long

you never brought me to places higher

Chorus

two forty-four.

2004-06-16T19:56:00.000+08:00

2:44

the time clocked for my latest song, Tribute to the Curtains.

the chorus goes,

you were there for me always
you were there for me everytime i feel like i'm alone

dont take it out on the title, its basically a tribute to those who were behind me all the time, and i dint make the effort to turn around and appreciate them. like we always do during plays. we never applaud the curtains.

so far i've written 4 full songs, and only have performed one of them, at the rgs psl carnival. rest assured, i'll play it at woodstock once more.

1. Red Swastika Defeat
a fast paced trash punk song (well all trash punk songs are fast paced) that has bass solo parts, and guitar parts that sound like what Slayer would play. its a song about Hitler's mistake of sending his troops into Russia, which eventually led to the Nazi's demise. clock around 1:30, very short song, but a pretty good start.

2. (unnamed)
Another trash punk song, but this time, much much nicer, but less of solo parts, more of parts taken out from Metallica. With the right lyrics (which i havent written yet) it will sound very good. one of the parts written for this song was taken out for our soundcheck at the rgs psl carnival. just recently i added a slap part that makes the soundcheck even more cooler.

3. (named My Song 2 at first, currently unnamed coz song 2 sounds like Blur's)
This song, according to ALL who have heard it, including my friend in America, is a very nice song. its my first shot at emo, and so far ive done pretty well. just, i cannot write lyrics for the verses. maybe im afraid to spoil the verse but then nothing ive tried seemed to fit. no doubt i'll play it at woodstock, maybe then someone will come up and write lyrics.

4. Tribute to the Curtains
i dont know how to classify this song. emo-punk? sounds like Autopilot Off if u ask me. maybe ive been listening to them too much. haha.. they rock. umm.. this song, i had written its parts a few days ago. only today when i wrote the lyrics, it became a very beautiful song. now i have plans to write the guitar parts, and how to coordinate the drums. it may pass as a simple song, but such drum coordination that will fit it is going to take hard work.

today's nick: _if. "i wrote a new song!! clocked 2:40 for first draft. not bad. LOL." -scaff.blogspot.com
song now: underOATH - Reinventing the Exit
talking to: Aaron, Melgious

yale looks good.

2004-06-13T20:24:00.000+08:00

im not fastidious.

jeans, shirts, socks cluttered along the headboard of my bed give life to the disgustingly popular happy-go-lucky goodnight phrase, 'dont let the bedbugs bite'.

oh they have.

--------------------------------------------------------------

ever wondered why curiosity killed the cat?

coz the cat was trying to get out of the bag*, and yes, by God, curiosity came by and slaughtered the poor animal, giveing rise to the phrase, 'curiosity killed the cat'. and let the bag lie open. people gossip.

*dont let the cat out of the bag?

--------------------------------------------------------------

i quote,

" Strength of friendship = (unity + joy) / amt of time spent. "

- KC, darkerwhale.blogspot.com

how true, how true?

i wonder where he derived that from. years of algebra and calculus, mathematicians couldnt derive an equation so true. haha.. it sounds true.. but maybe it isnt. people get sick of each other. they get jealous. then they kill. they murder. they slaughter those they have known for years over things that wouldnt matter to people who havent known each other.

maybe.

--------------------------------------------------------------

ive spoken of my failing memory, and now it has taken its toll on my favourite television digs.

Alias had its season debut last monday.

blame channel 5 for not informing the public.
blame my parents for not getting scv.
blame myself for not wondering why nip/tuck was moved to a friday slot.

cmon, Alias is such a good show.. its probably the best thought up action series ever. mcguyver was action packed, but it had no substance. haha. to think i still remember mcguyver. Alias's director introduces twists, which, to us at first would be inappropriate, but then he makes us realise that the time was right, coz he then follows it up with the right stuff. i cannot describe further how exciting watching this show is, you just have to watch it for urself.

Gilmore Girls had its season debut last sunday.

blame channel 5 (YES AGAIN!) for not informing the public.
blame myself for thinking it was a repeat of the last season when i saw it had the usual 6pm slot.
whatever happened to everwood?

maybe i love family shows, 7th heaven and the sort. maybe it touches me in a sensitive area. i wont say ive never had a family as close as they had, or as complicated. my family's just plain. and i dont complain, really. im happy with the way it is. but watching and feeling what i think i miss in my life is beautiful. i can only wish.

what has this got to do with my memory?

season breaks.

haha.. go figure.

today's nick: _if. "inlovewithgilmoregirls." -scaff.blogspot.com
song now: spitalfield - Don't Say I
talking to: daniel. i dont know this guy.

tomato soup with meatballs.

2004-06-12T17:27:00.000+08:00

so it has begun, the invasion of the school's coveted captaincy positions by malays-who-arent-really-fond-of-the-malay-culture-or-language.

Soccer
Captain - Esdy

Rugby
Captain - ME.. lol
Vice-captain - Alfian (he isnt malay at all to start with..)

Touch Rugby
Vice-captain - Nurul

Dragonboat/Canoeing
Vice-captain - Khairi

i dont think this has happened before.. especially in a mostly chinese school, like NYJC. Maybe soccer, and touch rugby.. but not rugby or dragonboat. for goodness sake, dragonboat's members are all chinese.. only one malay and one indian. rugby's members have all been chinese, if im not wrong. i'm the first and i steal captain. lol.

im not fond of the malay language coz i feel its stolen. too much of its words are taken from english, or arab, or sanskrit, or urdu, or whereever they stole it from. it just isnt original, u get me?

the culture, i dont know.. maybe its original. maybe it was thought up by this bunch of losers who has nothing better to do.

i'll just say i'd rather be classified as a muslim than a malay. at least im proud of being a muslim.

lol. am i making sense?

today's nick: _if. "inlovewithunderOATH." -scaff.blogspot.com
song now: underOATH - Its Dangerous Business Walking Out Your Front Door
talking to: lol. my whole family's asleep.

a role model?

2004-06-10T19:31:00.000+08:00

probably humanity's answer to the world today.

our canteen vendor, Uncle Sam, or so he calls himself, is a very fine man. when i went to him on tuesday to discuss the menu for our fun touch carnival, he showed me the stiches on his scalp, and his police case card. he did nothing wrong, dont worry. thats probably the last thing he'd do. he's a bouncer for a club, and he got into a riot. he was caught in between.

pretty amazing.. i'd say. he's the breadwinner for a family of 7, and he's a very good cook. VERY good cook. and a funny man. we could call him an official FOR.. friends of ruggers. we could turn to him for help, for encouragement, for treats.. haha.. he owes us a treat for our win against PJ. but we wont hold it against him if he doesnt. he's done much for us.. like help us cut queues and stuff. lol. he's got a family to feed anyway.

he told me his son plays soccer, in primary school. thats a good thing, getting ur son fit at such a young age. and he supports his son's school team as well. so much that when they were on a losing streak, he promised a reward of $10 for every kid that scores in the next match.

he lost $200 the next week.

then he provided food for the team, coz his wife felt that the team was underfed. people need to eat for a match, right.. they take good care of their kids, and i really admire that.. they have 5 kids.

they are very sociable, as well.. we love them coz they are very funny, friendly, and fun to talk to. they talk to cleaners, to other vendors.. like we dumb ruggers do as well.. haha.. im friends with them, the fruits stall auntie and the drinks couple. only problem with the drinks auntie is.. she speaks chinese! haha.. relax auntie.. im still learning. now, i just nod.

beautiful, how life carves itself out for you. u just gotta know how to take it. i guess they took it well. = )

today's nick: _if. "Rule. Rise. Defy. Tame. Lead." -scaff.blogspot.com
song now: Autopilot Off - Blessed by a Nightmare
talking to: Cheryl

p.s. THANKS TO guo feng for buying the Autopilot Off CD!!! man.. they sound better this time. thanks.

p.p.s. he didnt buy it for me. lol. ripped it, u know. he isnt THAT nice. =)

inferiority complex

2004-06-09T22:02:00.000+08:00

why do people have crushes? i mean if they were on some hunk like brad pitt, or that gay fag justin timberlake its alright.. but on me? ugh.. i shudder at the thought.

im a total dork, just that ive got 2 eyes. maybe dork is a level above wanker, thats why im able to make some friends. im unkempt, uncool, and totally disgusting. and inevitably hideous so to add. i admit, i look so cute when i was young, i envy myself when i take a look at my baby pictures. and i looked so peaceful. now, however, it makes me lose confidence when approaching the opposite sex. im not confident of the way i look, and i feel rejection isnt sweet.

smiles were meant to be pretty. somehow mine isnt. when i smile, it makes the world even sweeter coz i take the sour out of everything else.

and i hope u know that..

its cold where im going
and i hope that u'll be safe
u'll feel better when im leaving
u'll feel better when the pictures fade

i'll be wakin up and thinking abt the times i spent at home
u'll be wakin up and thinkin how it feels to be alone.

if saying the truth sounds like this, im not being inferior. people have questioned my status, but now u know why it sticks to being single. probably coz im not very nice to look at.

these titles dont mean a thing

2004-06-09T10:48:00.000+08:00

sigh.. spent the whole morning doing up this website.
all the html crap, did it by myself.
pretty useful, knowing html..
ive got 3 websites up my sleeve.. lol.. theyre not really good, but it somehow represents something. im proud of them.

euphoria | second dose
mosh.04
unfinished 018 webby

enjoy.

today's nick: _if. "My life, isnt mine to govern." -scaff.blogs..
song now: Rufio - Decency
talking to: the sweet morning sun.

8:88

2004-06-09T00:50:00.000+08:00

i just got an inspiration.

i'll write a song now.. sigh..

maybe i'll perform at woodstock. i just cannot get to david. lol. its 7th july. i think.

damn ive gotta get ppl who play emo. its not that my band sucks, but we gotta think along the same frequency, u know. i like emo.

but gay punk is still gay.

...and the world doesnt look anymore brighter today.

today's nick: _if. "My life, isnt mine to govern." -scaff.blogs..
song now: Drifter Serenade - between2 (my friend's band. beautiful piece.)
talking to: the starry night sky.

feels like ive been brainwashed. damn aliens.

2004-06-07T07:49:00.000+08:00

My Lost Memories

ive just realised that i have no memories of my childhood.
i see pictures, but i dont think ive ever been there.
i remember my old home, but i dont remember,
what happened there?

I can only vaguely recall those fond memories,
when i had mumps,
when i watched popeye,
when i played with play-doh in the balcony,
and it rained oh so heavily.

trips to paris, perth, melbourne, sarawak,
i can only see where we were,
where did we go,
what did we do there?

was i really a child, mom?
it feels like ive just been born.
every year is just washed away,
why cant i have more fond memories,
it just isnt fair.

but i guess, what had happened made me what i am now,
but its like having a movie without its acknowledgements.

how do we give thanks to something we dont remember?

like the umbilical cord,
small albeit significant,
its what attaches me to my past,
and it has been cut.

i wish someone could answer,
what happened to my childhood?
for i would gladly like to have it back.
it makes me a better person..

..somehow.

today's nick: _if. "My life, isnt mine to govern." -scaff.blogs..
song now: Yellowcard - Back Home
talking to: Cheryl, Puan

a tribute.

2004-06-06T15:39:00.000+08:00

today's nick: _if. "Hee-yew-mayne."
song now: Rufio - Over it
talking to: noone

a truly fantasized world.

2004-06-04T18:58:00.000+08:00

I am now reading this book titled 'The Jester' by James Patterson. A truly good writer he is, no doubt. I found his books back in Sec 2 while at Hougang Library.. i believe i was just browsing thru for something to occupy my time. i borrowed a big edition, i remember. pretty ironic.. it was a big book but it had very a small font size.. The only problem with such books and with such seasoned writers are that sometimes, the stories just become too fantasized they follow a pattern.

Michael Connelly had a pattern. Someone dies, a detective takes up the case, he gets acquainted with some chick connected to the case, and then on the brink of death, the chick shows up and saves him. Somehow the bitch got smart enough to sense something was amiss.

Lee Child is a VERY good writer. Pretty creative too, but i urge that u dont read the whole series. In his case, he writes of a practical SUPERHERO. he is smart, handsome, strong, witty, and elusive. He doesnt die too. pretty cool huh? but only once or twice will do.

James Patterson, i recommend him. His books are superb. only this latest novel, 'The Jester' is VERY fantasized. talk about a small village going against the duke and kids crashing skulls of seasoned veterans in full body armor so heavy they'd drown in them.

Have i told you i've a knack for stumbling upon great writers?
James Patterson, Micheal Connelly, Sue Grafton..
Richard North Patterson was found under James Patterson..
John Connolly was found beside Micheal Connelly..
but theyre not ripoffs.. Connolly is a fucking good writer.

However, i regard my two best finds as finding John Lescroart and Dennis Lehane.
i found Lescroart about 3 metres away in Sengkang Library. i was walking and i saw the shiny cover of 'The 13th Juror'. Turned out Lescroart is one of the best Law writers i've read.
Dennis Lehane.. this ive gotta thank fate coz i found him and read pretty much most of his books. THIS GUY IS THE BEST IN THE BUSINESS. He wrote Mystic River, if u didnt know. while i was reading Mystic River, i stumbled upon an ad in my mom's mag, Manja. some malay mag, if u wanna know. i was SHOCKED, but relieved that Lehane was found out at last. Mystic River is his best book, by far.. but everyone should really try the McKenzie series. HOT STUFF.

today's nick: _if. "So perch on your stilts and dare me to lead."
song now: Yellowcard - Only One
talking to: noone

lovehatetragedy

They Fit.

Two Poems

candice

what are you made of?

im a mess of music

samantha, samantha.

the gene that made us all so homesapien.

baby.

a card frenzy,

fire fighting lobby

just click stop.

code code! shoutpost.

wth//

The Epitome of Teenagehood

*smiley*

hello world.

oh hiatus

why do you?

disgusting.

get a bum on the street.

A Song For The Pessimist

heh heh

yay

hmmm..

yo ntx

dunkin' donudes.

August 9th gift

WIBDER

this digit EIGHT.

sothesay

this is boring

Doodleboard.

Track 3

DO NOT BOARD!

knock yourself out.

The Refused Party Program.

hello again

"..am i dead in your world?"

"..and its something we realise we cannot survive without."

hmm.

New song!

hey.

hurray.

dear human.

whoopy-doodles!

Blogger:Dashboard

i dont get that line.

Is my name here?

spandex and beapcex.. they make you feel all good.

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL.

what makes a good blog?

acquisition debut.

505, and im reeling.

the gluets maxima code.

hey hey to all.

hallo!

mosh is coming.

i feel guilty. but what did i do.

i'm looking for samantha wethington.

Dear Mr. Lim,

death sweeps us all.

injured and overdue.

aiyo.

fortune cookie.

SAT tomorrow.

white.

masturbateforpeace

bust my pork chops.

hello, world.

defs

"Kerry Has Conceded

pre-1999:jason

divine intervention

religious appreciation.

oral satisfaction

13th october 2004

injured and overdue.

drink mud on a cold day.

fuck YOUR life.

smiley